10.06.2009

Grace Period

"Do you have a grace period for blogs before you remove them from your reader? If there is no post for 60 days w/o explanation, I delete."

I read that earlier and thought, "Wonder why she cares? I mean, I only see new posts so if a site I follow doesn't have any updates, I wouldn't know without digging." Then I thought, "I wonder if this applies for friends. That would be kind of harsh. Or would it?"

(I can't explain how my mind works, y'all. Just know that there is no explaining brilliance. ha.)

I don't have many friends these days. (No, this isn't some sort of lame plea - I'm just stating a fact.) I can count on one hand minus several fingers the number of people I can count as a "friend" on any given day. It's the bed I've made and I accept it. I'm fine with it, actually. I don't think I'm a great friend. I don't need people. I don't require attention or contact or face time. Some people do and that's where I fail.

On the flip side of my normal behavior, I recently went out of my way for a "friend" spending way too much money on a requested birthday gift. I couldn't help but remember that the same "friend" did not remember my birthday at all, nor did she give thanks for her gift. And I felt bitter. And anger. And resentment. If not for emails with less sentences than this paragraph, we would have no contact even though she lives only an hour away. I repeatedly go out of my way at an attempt at a relationship with her and get nothing but selfishness in return. Is that a friendship?

Friendships come with a contract, even if only implied. It only works if you are both in understanding. When one or both parties break that contract, the friendship is wounded, broken even. Should a grace period be applied before the tie is severed completely? Should the infraction be forgiven without even a word? Should I accept that others do unto me as I have done unto them? If there is no "friendship" within 60 days, should I delete?



4 comments:

Heather said...

What I love about you and me, is that I know that we are always friends... whether I talk/email with you once a day or once a month or once every few months. We hold no grudges or rants about why we haven't talked (because we both know that life just happens) and just pick up from the last time we left off. And we understand that. And you are still one of my besties every day. I think there are definitely times when you just have to let a friendship go because it does you more harm than good. I guess we all have to judge for ourselves what that point is.

I love you, and I miss your face. :)

Sara said...

Yep. To everything. You are one of the ones I can count on one hand, minus several fingers.

Love. You.

Tabasco said...

I am dealing with this EXACT SAME THING this week!!! So glad I read this, Sara. Food for thought, for sure.

I think I have a few friendships that are broken, or badly bent...and the grace period has expired.

As Sarah*d* once told me "I have less TRUE friends than I can count on my Billy Joe Shaver hand, and I'm OK with that."

Steph said...

Ditto this. Unfortunately last year taught me a lot of lessons on friendships and "friend"-ships.

But this year? I'm ok with what I was shown and have definitely let go to most. Still hard, yes...but I'm ok at the end of the day and thankful for those rare, TRUE friends.