This is how we do it....

I am absolutely in love with this crappy camera phone picture from Saturday. I think it's so sweet and such a representation of our relationship. Me, as the host and him... as the baby leech.



Just look at that thigh. Nom.






*I am also very embarrassed that it has been so long since I've posted. More is coming soon. Pinky promise.

Look! Twice in one week!

Still no pictures though.

Bye! See ya, next time! Also, boob talk ahead. Repeat, boob talk ahead. If you are feeling anxious, dizzy or lightheaded please proceed to the nearest exit.


So, remember when I said I had a LASIK evaluation this week? Ohhhh man. I don't even have an expression to effectively communicate what a CLUSTER that was.

I took an entire afternoon off for it. I drove 45 minutes (one way) out of my way for it. And then, I cried all my makeup off after it.

Enough. Here it is.

Turns out, you can't have Lasik if you're pregnant or breastfeeding. No one asked and I honestly didn't think the two had anything to do with each other, so I didn't volunteer it until halfway through the exam when the nurse asked. I assume the only reason she asked is because I mentioned I have a six month old and "GAWD, I can't WAIT to see how bad his eyes will be". Anyway, something about hormones (isn't it ALWAYS about hormones?) affecting your vision and the thickness of your cornea and blah, blah, blah. I'm good with that. Fine as wine in the summertime with it actually. I've been dealing with supply issues from being sick anyway, so why complicate matters by adding steriod drops and valium to the mix?

What I'm not ok with is being completely disrespected for my choice in feeding my child. By a VERY well known doctor- a professional - who couldn't even say the word "breastfeeding". Instead, he referred to it as "that" and, get this, he looked at my boobs everytime he said it. SERIOUSLY.

Here's how it went:

So! We're breastfeeding! I don't know what your timeline is for stopping "that" *glance at boobs*, but I think it's best if we wait to do the procedure when you're done... with "that" *glance at boobs*. I mean, you're going to have to put drops in your eyes every hour and well, it's just not really condusive to doing "that"*glance at boobs*. You're an excellent candidate though and as soon as you're finished with "that" *glance at boobs*, we'll be happy to get you set up for a procedure.

Yeah. He really said and did "that" *glance at boobs*. I've never been so uncomfortable and felt so disrespected in my entire life. Between he and several (female) nurses, everyone in the place knew I WAS BREASTFEEDING. But, we can't discuss it like normal people- noooooooo. We have to loudly whisper about it so people won't hear. We have to ask repeatedly, "You don't know when you're going to quit?" Because it's dirty, right? Feeding my child naturally the way women have done it since the BEGINNING OF TIME*?

I believe my mother said it best: Clearly, his wife never breastfed any of his children... if he even has any.

Ooooh. Burn, Gayle. BURN.



*Please note that I don't care how you choose to feed your child- this is just what I'm doing.

Struggling

This is my life now. It may be boring to most, but it's all I've got.

Everyone knows I'm breastfeeding. I've been pretty blatant about it on this blog and in real life. Sure, Carter's had formula when I had nothing pumped and we were on the go, but for the most part, he's a boob baby. When I went back to work, I didn't think anything would change. I'd pump while he was at daycare and it would be just like him nursing. Wrong.

Breastfeeding is a supply and demand business. The only way to truly increase supply is to demand more. That said, I'm dealing with supply issues in week three of being back. I guess maybe my milk is adjusting to the demand (or lack there of) and my output just keeps getting lower and lower. I've gone from pumping three times a day to five. I've gone from no herbal supplements, to -potentially- four kinds of pills multiple times each day. The feeling of knowing my child may not have enough to eat tomorrow is terrifying. It's horribly stressful and it's just plain not fair. In addition, the thought of quitting, of weaning him and giving up- well that's just plain unacceptable. I've worked so hard to get where I am (ironically enough, now that it's down the tube!) The thing is, I'm afraid that's what is happening without me even knowing.

So, here I sit. Stressed, but trying not to be. Afraid, but putting on a brave face. While the world keeps on spinning, I feel like I'm struggling just to keep my head above water.

I also changed the title of my blog... somehow it's just more appropriate.