Greener Pastures

Hello Monday.  How are you?  Me?  I'm fine.  I just put in my two week's notice at my current gig.  How's that for kicking off the week?

I have been offered and have accepted a familiar position which will allow me to work from home and have fairly flexible hours.  What does this mean for me?  No more hour long commutes to/from work.  No more getting up at 5:20am.  No more running to Walmart during lunch.  No more fast food.  It's a trade off, but one I think I can certainly live with. 

My last day here is January 28.  My first day at home is February 7, although half of my first week will be eaten up by orientation. 

Here's to 2011 and change.  *deep breath* annnnnnnnnnd RELEASE.

2010 in crappy cell phone pictures

I stole this idea from my dear friend Cristal.  Below is a review of 2010- some pretty amazing transformations happen in the year of a young child.

January

 

Hard to believe he was barely a year old one year ago.

Having Chik-Fil-A with mama at the mall.

February

Small Fry, for the first time.

And snow! Lots of it!

Look at those lashes!

 March

I got a haircut!

The line into Mud Nationals in Jacksonville (Tx).

We practiced sharing.

I went home to my two (blinking) light town.

April

Cool dude!

Hello?

It's a boy!

 May

He learned "uh-oh!" and had an adorable follow-up.

Haircuts have never been a priority.... neither have clothes.

Man, this truck is the epitome of east Texas.

June

The a/c broke at work.

Happy Birthday to me!

I'm pretty sure I was already "done".

 July

We adopted a stray kitten and fell in love.  He didn't last long and we were heartbroken.

The town where I work voted in alcohol sales.

Carter got bit (again & again) so we left daycare for loving home care.

August

I LOVE BLUEBERRY DONUTS!

Man, was I ever miserable. 

He found ways to curl around the belly.  Always my baby.

September

Sweet boy, your life will change forever tomorrow.

Cooper's here!

No. More.  BABY.

October

These two can nap like nobody's business.

C went hunting for a week in Colorado, so there was a lot of this.  Crying/sleeping babies all piled up with mama.  I needed a vacation after that week.

And then, on Halloween, we went to the World Series. 

 November

Carter got a haircut by a professional.  His first by someone other than me.  How handsome is he?!

On the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Cooper and I made a flying trip to Dallas so I could have my rings inspected and cleaned as per the warranty.  I wish I could keep them that pretty.

 December

Cooper started grasping things and rolling.

My husband told me to go take a shower and I wondered why.

Christmas happened and there was one happy toddler in our house.

Happy 2010, bring it on, 2011.  Otherwise known as 

THE YEAR I WILL NOT BE PREGNANT!

Two-Thousand Eleven; Resolution(s)

Since a new year is impending, I actually think I will make some promises for improvement.  Normally I skip that part because I know I won't follow through, but maybe if I write them down for the entire Internet to see, they might stand a chance. 

1. Lose (more) weight.  Clearly, gaining and birthing baby weight (and then some) in 2010 was not enough because, for Christmas, my sister bought me shirts in sizes so big, I don't even know what they are.  I've vented to everyone who would listen in real life and on Twitter about this already.  THEN, she followed it up with "they may be a little big, but maybe they'll shrink in the wash".  As a woman, it's terribly insulting for someone to not only buy me clothes that are too big, but clothes that are many sizes too big.  If my sister held up this shirt and thought, "Yes, that looks like Sara's size", then clearly it's time to change her image of me.  As a sidebar, my husband said he will be buying only size small or extra-small from here on out.
2. Get outside of my comfort zone.  Translation:  Leave the house with both children.  Carter is old enough now that he needs to go places and experience things.  It's so easy for us to stay home because it's easy, but in 2011, I want to flush easy.  I don't necessarily want to trade it for impossible, but I do think the more we go and do, the more likely my kids will learn how to act in public.  Or not.  But, in any case, we're going places in 2011. 
3. Write more.
4. Photograph more.
5. Get control of my kitchen chaos/lack of storage hell.  If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about.  Two decidedly NOT type-A's live in this house, ifyouknowwhatImean.

Life, daily

I wake before the sun, before my husband, before my son.  I shower and dress, while gently waking the men in my life to start their days.  Waking Carter is a love/hate act.  He is so content and so deeply asleep that some mornings, I have to lift him from his crib to wake his sleepy head.  Some mornings, he rises to greet me.  I relish in his baby-ness.  His soft, rubbery belly skin, his delicious toes and chubby hands.  This baby, half me, half him, is amazing. 

I change a diaper, put on some clothes and his day starts.  These days, he's like a little Linus, insisting on taking his blanket with him most everywhere until he forgets about it, abandoned on the floor.  His hair is unruly because his father wants a "professional" to cut it, insists it's time.  But... my baby.

The drive to work is getting increasingly difficult.  An hour in the car with an infant is easy- make sure their fed and changed and undoubtedly, sleep will follow.   An hour with a toddler requires toys and songs and the tickle monster.  I keep my eye on him via a special "rear seat mirror" and try my best to keep him entertained. 

When we make the turn to his sitter's home, the rising sun blinds us both.  I sing, "Hi Sunshine!  Good morning Sun!" And he waves, while squinting and smiling.  These little moments are ones I do not want to forget.  I want to lock them safely away so I can revist them at less happy times.

The drive home is much the same, except most days he's worn out from playing and laughing and running and squealing the day away.  A two-hour nap is not enough; the sandman will catch him in the car, too.  It makes me happy that he is at a place now where he plays so hard that he cannot help but collapse from sheer exhaustion. 

At home, evenings are a race.  Dinner, bath, bed.  He relishes in "bathtime with Melmo" (he has an Elmo bathmat) and loves the water.  Last night, in fact, he dumped a bucket of it on me.  Stinker.  His feelings are so tender now that even a harsh, "No Sir!" makes his lip quiver and tears come.  He usually comes right back for a hug and reassurance that he is still loved. 

Footy pj's are a year-round staple.  He refuses to sleep under a blanket, so, long sleeves and feet it is.  He is so adorable, so delightfully squishy in them.  He has his night-night milk and it's off to bed he goes.  Where he makes not even a whimper, just rolls over to slumber.  He's been sleeping with a humidifier due to a little cough, but I think it's almost time to switch back to a white-noise machine.  I love that the noises of an awake house do not disturb him if we add a little hum to his room.

His happiness is intoxicating and addictive.  His smiles light up a room and his snuggles.... they are incomparable. 

Soon, things will change.  Time will not be as abundant for him and sharing will be required.  I worry about him and the impending adjustment.  I worry that I'm not enough for two, that one is all my heart can handle.  But, I know that's not true.  I know it will grow.  I know we will all adjust.  We will be fine.

35 weeks

I think we're doing alright here at 35 weeks.  I've slowed down a lot and my husband picks up a ton of slack.  But, all in all, I'm ok. 

Carter is almost 19 months old.... unbelievable.  He's grown so much and is such a big boy.  I'm so proud and just a little bit smitten.  I sure hope Small Fry measures up!

dance, dance, dance

Oh 20's, you were a necessary evil weren't you? 

10 years ago today, I was turning 20.  What a pointless birthday that is.  Nothing good happens at 20, besides the fact that you're no longer a teenager.  My early to mid twenties are a blur.  Lot's a drinking and music and miles.  There were bad decisions and there were better ones.  My twenties were full of girlfriends and laughter and good times.  And then, my twenties changed my life by bringing two magical men into my life.  Marriage and birth at 28.  That was a great year.

And now, 30.  On the cusp of another birth, another male to love.  My past has been void, but now it seems... full.  Men come from me.  They need me.  They fill my life with love and laughter and worth.  This life is a funny journey, for sure. 

The grey hair comes with aches.  The energy goes.  It's all a dance.  And it's one I hope to continue for a very, very long time.  Until I can dance no more.

Life is so surreal. 

A few short weeks ago, our office celebrated the retirement of a wonderful man who had worked for the company for 47 years.  This past Sunday, he had a heart attack.  Today, his family made the impossible decision to remove life support.  His brain had been deprived life giving oxygen for too long, their father, friend and husband was gone. 

How fleeting it all is.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.


Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.


He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.


The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good. - W. H. Auden

Seventeen Months

You are JOY, little boy. 

You live each waking hour with such zest and energy that I envy.  When I sing "diaper, diaper" (to the tune of Dora's "backpack, backpack"), you run to our bedroom for a diaper change.  You say and do things all the time that only I see and then you refuse to replicate them for your dad.  It makes me look silly, but I know the truth.  Your daddy can get giggles out of  you that I can only dream of, but when it's time to snuggle you are mine. 

You've been sick twice in two weeks now, most recently with your first stomach bug.  I always considered us lucky that we'd made it this long without checking off that experience and thankfully, it appears to be a light one.  I hate when you don't feel well because I know how miserable it is, but I do love the cuddling and snuggling and mama time that I get.  You're too busy on normal days.

For several months, we've had a bedtime routine of pajamas, milk, then rocking to sleep in your room.  As soon as your dad or I carry you to your room, your head is on our chest before we can even take a seat in the glider.  I relish those moments but I'm afraid we've created a monster that will soon cause us all severe grief.  We never should've started rocking you to sleep because now it is near impossible to stop, but we will... eventually. 

You are perfection.  You don't even have a freckle!  I asked a dermatologist when things like that will appear and he said around age two.  I love your smooth, perfect skin and I have a bottle of SPF 55 ready to go for our outside fun. 

I wish I could put the love into words.  The joy I feel when you look for me.  The exuberance of feeling your little hand in mine.... like a big boy now, not a baby.  As you grow, I can only hope that we can teach you love and tolerance.  Patience and kindness.  Peace and the knowledge to make good decisions.  Hope and big dreams.  Acceptance and humility.  And always grace.

Seventeen months have flown in an instant.  Slow down, little one.  The world will always be waiting.

I'm ok, I'm alright.... Carry on.

C & I watched Edge of Darkness this weekend.  In the first five minutes of the movie, the main character's adult daughter is shot and killed on his front porch, in his arms.  As we watched the grief unfold, I became aware that I was holding my breathe.  The ache.... oh the ache.  For those without kids, I'll never be able to explain it.  We both commented that watching shows where people lose children is 100 times worse now that we have one.  My thoughts kept drifting to that angel sleeping in his bed and how my life would never be the way it used to be.  I think my words were, "If that happened to me, I would fall down dead right next to him.  Dead."  But, I know that's not true.  I cannot begin to imagine how I could ever think about living again. 

-------------------------------

I love this:

This is a creature on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing, instead of the whole world.

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The end must be near, pigs must be flying and hell must feel a little bit chilly this morning because I HAVE A FACEBOOK.  I'm not posting the link, nor am I friending every person I've ever known and their dog. 

So.  Anyway.

15 months - A view from a cell phone

Today I took Carter for his 15 month well-baby appointment (albeit 2.5 weeks late).  The term "well baby" is used loosely as he's on antibiotics for a potential ear infection (caught early with just a little fluid in the ears) and has a horrid cough.  But, he was well enough for FOUR shots and a blood draw.  Congratulations, kid!  To celebrate, here are some fun facts from Carter.

• He weighs 25lbs 11oz (60-something percentile)
• He's 31.5" tall (57th percentile)
• His head is 19" (77th percentile)- he's still on track to be presidential.
• He has a 100 teeth.  Not really, but currently he has all four incisors coming in.  Hopefully that will be all until his 2 year molars.  He can't just cut one at a time- they ALL have to come in at once. 
• He still naps twice a day, though I've noticed his morning naps have been shorter lately.  Except on Sunday.  It lasted for 2.5 hours. 
• This past weekend, he slept til almost 9am before demanding attention from his parents. 
• We rock him to sleep every night and let me tell you, as bad of a habit that is to start, it makes for some of the sweetest moments when he finally gives up for the day.  But the flip-flopping and wiggling getting there is getting very old.  Especially when mom's lap is disappearing. 
• He loves his juice (either flavored water from Target or 2oz Gerber juice and the rest water) and will drink 4-5 sippy cups a day.
• He's still attached to his noodle (pacifier), but I'm not fighting that battle just yet. 
• He says all sorts of things now- Mama, Daddy, doggy, hi, bye, bock-bock, quack-quack, ball (bah), this (dis- when pointing), uh-oh and thank you.  I will forever pride myself on the fact that thank-you was his first real word.  He says it with accuracy, too.... especially when he's coming to take something you have! 
• He can sign "please" and give/blow kisses.  Wet, open mouthed mwah's!

I haven't taken nearly enough "real" pictures, so I thought I'd share what my cell phone captures.  Yes, there are a lot of car seat pictures, but that's really the only time he holds somewhat still.  That, and I love to watch him sleep...

04/04/2010

04/09/2010

04/10/2010

Hello?

Hammy - 04/15/2010

(These were from last week's "sick day".  Yeah, notsomuch.)

First "real" boo-boo.  He fell on the fireplace.  A+ parenting

04/17/2010

This is what four shots and a blood draw will do.

04/19/2010

How?

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling five balls in the air. You name them - work, family, health, friends, and spirit - and you're keeping all of these in the air. You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. But the other four balls - family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged, or even shattered. They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.  -Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca-Cola Enterprises

This ain't no place for the Weary Kind...

My kid surprises me all the time.  Just for fun a few weeks ago, I said "Carter, where's your ball?" and you know what he did?  He stopped what he was doing and started looking for a damn ball.  "Ba ba ba ba", he exclaimed once he found one. 

That is so cool.  I had never thought about the day he could actually comprehend.  Now, I tell him the names of stuff all the time.  Light, doggy, truck.  We wave bye-bye to diapers when they go in the Diaper Genie.  He turns off the lights when we leave the room.   We do the HotDog Dance every morning.  He is the coolest kid I know.  Who knew parenting would be so fun... this quickly.

Pioneer Woman asked a question for a giveaway today that's really had me thinking.  More or less it was "How different is your life now than how you originally pictured it"?

It's a question that doesn't come with an easy answer.  When I was in college, I wanted to work in downtown Dallas in a skyscraper and do buisnessey things.  And I did.  I never really thought about the rest of it, I don't think.  But.

I'm married to the man who took my breath away upon meeting him when I was only 16.
I'm pregnant with his second child.
Being a mother is a job I was made for.  This love.... it's indescribable.
Being a wife is something I try very hard to be good at.
Turns out, it doesn't matter if I do perfect laundry or cook fabulous meals.

Love and respect... and time.  Those are what matters.

View from a deer stand, opening day

Even if I didn't see one dang deer, at least I saw a beautiful sunset.

Thursday Things

• Last weekend was my first wedding anniversary. C and I laughed that actually being married opened up a whole new world of cards for each other. It's nice to be able to buy for my "husband".
• Can you believe it's been a year, only a year? I say that because on one hand it's FLOWN and on the other, it feels more like five years. Maybe it's because we squeezed five years worth of stuff into one (house, marriage, baby).
• Since the first anniversary gift is traditionally paper, we both followed that theme (unintentionally). He gave me a Paula Deen cookbook and a recipe journal, both of which are funny since I'm a hand granade in the kitchen.
• Every time I go to the store I ask if he needs anything. He always replies, "A sack full of money..." So, that's exactly what he got from me. I bought $100 in scratch off lottery tickets (just doin' my part, E). Of course, we would have been better off if I would've just put $100 in a sack, but the scratching was fun too. I think we won about $35.
• He also bought me my very first gun. I'm the proud owner of a bright and shiny .243 just in time for hunting season. Now all I have to do is try and hit the broadside of a barn, er- deer.
• Make no mistake, I'm pretty stoked about it.
• Speaking of, today kicked off my week of single motherhood. I'm a hunting widow while C is off to Colorado again. When he went last year, I was heavily pregnant (November) and thoroughly enjoyed going to bed early and eating cereal for dinner every night. Oh the difference a year makes, eh?
• My son has regressed to having newborn dirty diapers. Good Lord they're awful. It's been going on for two days- lets all pray he gets over it soon. I'll take nuggets any day.
• Speaking of my darling son, he is THISCLOSE to crawling, finally. He seems to be about a month behind all the other kids his age in his class at daycare. They've all been crawling and cruising for several weeks now... I blame his giganta noggin'.
• When I have another baby, I will be diligent in doing tummy time for the very very beginning. I really think it helps strengthen all these vital muscles used in sitting, crawling and pulling up. We didn't do as much tummy time as we should have with Carter and I think we're now seeing the results... of his giganta noggin', that is.
• I've committed to taking Amber and James' engagement pictures next month. I'm really excited about it, but really anxious about finding a good location with good light in order to get some good shots. That's all I'm going to obsess publicly about that, but just know my wheels are TURNING.
• I'm hosting a baby shower sprinkle this weekend at my mom's. It's at the same time as my high school's homecoming parade, so traffic should be fun. In my hometown, they shut down the major US highway for the parade which really pisses off the truckers. No one else seems to mind though.
• I planned for it to be at my mom's so she could help with Carter while I'm scurrying around doing hostessey things but, you guessed it, she's going to the damn parade. She claims she'll be back in 20 minutes, but WE WILL SEE.
• Hosting a shower is much more difficult than I originally thought, especially since no one is helping aside from my mom making the cupcakes. Yesterday I decided to also make a diaper cake WHICH I'VE NEVER DONE BEFORE.
• I agree that I'm loco. It comes with the territory.

This is getting embarrassing.

I'm sorry, I appear to have fallen off the face of the earth. I'm back- at least with one foot- for a moment.

• My child is almost NINE MONTHS OLD. Seriously! Where is that pause button already? I feel like it wasn't even me living it.

• He's trying desperatly to crawl. So far, all he's managed to do is perfect his rolling skills. Wiggle, wiggle, roll. Next thing you know, he's on the other side of the room.




• C is convinced he's going to crawl or walk or start doing multiplication while he's in Colorado the second week of October. So, he spends an hour or so every evening urging him to crawl NOW. C is very disappointed our child is the last to crawl. He was the last to roll over and sit too- doesn't he see the trend? What? He came two and a half weeks early!




• Carter's a biter. Yesterday, a baby took the toy he was playing with, so he bent down and bit that baby on the toe. Take that, crawling toy stealer.




• Sleep comes at a premium in our house, meaning Carter gets as much as he wants while mom and dad.... don't.




• Remind me to tell you about Shiner.

• Scentsy has been going good. I'm shocked that total strangers have found me and ordered. I'm really not good at selling things, but so far it's worked out swimmingly! Now if only I can stop buying for myself. I'm running a Holiday layaway plan, but you probably got that memo, didn't you?




• My anniversary is next week. This time a year ago I was wishing the wedding would just go away. Now, I'm not six months pregnant and have much more energy. My days are filled with the faces of angels. What a difference a year makes...




• Speaking of, I put out the call on Twitter for anniversary gift ideas.... Anyone else? Bueller?