Rant ON

I hate to break it to you, Coors Light. Having a neat trick on the label of your pansy-ass beer does not make it taste any less like water. Kudos to your marketing department and give them a raise because they obviously deserve it for coming up with this genius gimmick to make people actually buy it! And guess what? My beer doesn't need some fancy cold-induced mountains on their bottle. My beer is frosty goodness the way God and Benjamin Franklin intended it. And you know what else? To ensure my beer stays cold, I drink it faster.

So, take that Coors Light. Take that.