She

I saw a picture on Wednesday I had forgotten all about. It was of my parents when we were in Alaska when I was five. Taken on the shore where we were digging clams for dinner, they were wearing rubber boots and a smile. My mom had on a hat I'd never seen and she looked almost carefree smiling at the camera.

My mom is big on cards. This year, on my birthday what she wrote on the inside made me cry.. and choke up just trying to repeat the words aloud.

For several years, you were my reason for getting up and moving each day. I'm so proud of all those days so long ago. They made you into the woman I see today.

I'd never thought about it being hard for her to raise me alone. Being a kid, I thought her life revolved around me and if I wasn't around she didn't exist. I know better now. I cannot begin to imagine what it was like for her to lose her husband and be left with a child to raise alone. No matter how much warning, I guess one is never prepared for the silence.

She's aging- some days gracefully, others not so much. She has more and more doctor visits I know nothing about now. I hear how she's forgetful and how sometimes she doesn't get up and moving so well. It makes my heart hurt for the woman she used to be- the one I missed. For that smiling woman in the picture. For the smiling grandmother she is today. She is joy and grace and kindness and generosity. She is compassion and patience and peace and forgiveness. She is love and if I'm lucky, someday I will be too.