8.02.2007

b-side

I love how some DVDs have an "alternate ending". You know, where's there's a little twist from the regular ending that may change the whole thing. I guess movie muckety mucks make those decisions, but I always enjoy watching it.

Sometimes in life, we plan our own alternate ending. Like when you know the job you have isn't your forever job and it's just tiding you over til you get married and stay home to be barefoot and pregnant. Or maybe you're planning to go back to school and do what you really want to do. Maybe the guy you're dating is just an in-between and you know he's just getting occupying your time til someone better comes along.

Then there there are times when you an alternate ending hasn't even crossed your mind. This is ALL you've ever wanted for as long as you've wanted and the thought of not having it blows your mind. That's kind of where I am at this moment. I don't know what tomorrow holds. I know what I want, but I don't know if that's the way it will turn out and the thought of that scares me to death. I don't have a plan b, no exit strategy, no alternate ending. I've put all my eggs in one basket- I'm all in. And if it fails, I'll be heartbroken and terribly lost. Every relationship is a gamble one way or another right?

If feeling secure is how a good one is supposed to feel, why do I feel like someone just pulled the rug out from underneath me?

7 comments:

nicole said...

No words of wisdom. Just :-(

I hope today, Friday, is a better day for you and that men in wheelchairs and pigeons stay out of your way.

matt said...

I don't know what to say either, Sara, but for what it's worth, I'm also well acquainted with that sinking, "what am I doing?" feeling.

I just keep telling myself it has to work out. Delusions can really be wonderfully comforting, you know?

JustJunebug said...

Apparently we seem to be going through the same thing.

I decided to follow my own advice for a change, and well now I have accept the consequences.

Eh, maybe its true what they say: if you love something set it free. if it comes back, its yours. if it doesn't then it never was.

love you.

Sara said...

And that's exactly where I am, Junie B. I can't be your sanity. I can't be your validation. I just can't. I have a hard enough being my own. So, I'm just going to take a break to breathe.

Anonymous said...

All my girls seem to be hurting and it hurts my heart. Big hugs to my Junebug, Sara, and Heather!!
Love,
Amber

Heather said...

I have no other words of wisdom to add. June said it well. Love you.

Diane Mandy said...

So... it hasn't failed, right? Your just feeling insecure these days? Or, are there signs that make you feel nervous?