This is my life now. It may be boring to most, but it's all I've got.

Everyone knows I'm breastfeeding. I've been pretty blatant about it on this blog and in real life. Sure, Carter's had formula when I had nothing pumped and we were on the go, but for the most part, he's a boob baby. When I went back to work, I didn't think anything would change. I'd pump while he was at daycare and it would be just like him nursing. Wrong.

Breastfeeding is a supply and demand business. The only way to truly increase supply is to demand more. That said, I'm dealing with supply issues in week three of being back. I guess maybe my milk is adjusting to the demand (or lack there of) and my output just keeps getting lower and lower. I've gone from pumping three times a day to five. I've gone from no herbal supplements, to -potentially- four kinds of pills multiple times each day. The feeling of knowing my child may not have enough to eat tomorrow is terrifying. It's horribly stressful and it's just plain not fair. In addition, the thought of quitting, of weaning him and giving up- well that's just plain unacceptable. I've worked so hard to get where I am (ironically enough, now that it's down the tube!) The thing is, I'm afraid that's what is happening without me even knowing.

So, here I sit. Stressed, but trying not to be. Afraid, but putting on a brave face. While the world keeps on spinning, I feel like I'm struggling just to keep my head above water.

I also changed the title of my blog... somehow it's just more appropriate.


Kayce said...

I am sorry you are going through this Sara! HUGS!! I don't have any tricks to tell you. I SUCKED at pumping. I didn't produce jack squat when I pumped. I was only successful at nursing. I hope you find the answers you are looking for. And know that Carter loves you with all his little heart!!

Cristal said...

just have a sec-
i have a friend that had a hard time 'keeping up' with breastmilk/pumping. She started going to the daycare to nurse during her lunch break and that made a huge difference for her milk production and relieved a bit of her stress. is that an option for you?
whatever you decide to do, it WILL be okay.

Gabrielle said...

You can do it!!! I still have to supplement with formula. The guilt can sometimes be challenging, but I just have to remember, I'm doing the best that I can. And I know he appreciates it.