Taking a break...

I've been drinking. It seems that's the only way to calm my nerves this week. I was reduced to tears earlier and my poor boyfriend could only say incredulously, "All you can do is start packing. Start in one room with one box. It's not that hard." Bless his heart..

It's amazing that something as simple as moving can stress me out this badly. I did secure housing today though. It's a townhouse - just two levels, no garage. One and half baths and two bedrooms for $112 less than I'm paying now. Incredible. Remind me to send out my new address.

I bought myself my first piece of hunting attire today, too. A pair of camo insulated overalls since hunting should be kinda cool this weekend. Woodrow, since you're the only one who probably cares, Clint and I sat in the box stand on my 40 acres twice last weekend. I got permission to bring my ipod because I just bought an Eddie Rabbitt Greatest Hits album that he wanted to jam to, too. Saturday evening, he killed a doe- the next to the last "doe day". It was very exciting. My first time "hunting" (even though I wasn't carrying a gun) and we killed something! We even had to track her about 20 yards into the woods after dark. I was so proud of my baby! Sunday, we went to the same stand not expecting to see a thing. Of course we had some beer and after a couple, I announced (very quietly) that I needed to pee. I quickly followed it up with "I can hold it though." He insisted that I go because we were far enough from dark that nothing was going to come out yet. Ha! There I was, squatted with my pants around my knees behind the stand when I hear, "Don't move." There was another dumb ass doe who came marching out for the corn. She came from the same damn place her sista died the night before. So much for animal insticts. C didn't want to shoot her and she let me get all the way back into the stand before she ran and took all her friends with her. Two deer in two days.. I've got pretty good odds thus far.

I'm moving on Thanksgiving day. Usually, I'd be at my mom's eating dry turkey and ham, followed up by a slice of pecan pie. This year, C and I will find an open restaurant and let someone else cook for us. Have I mentioned lately how much I love him? I am so incredibly thankful..

Which reminds me. I have some fabulous friends. I don't require a lot of up-keep, that's no secret. But sweet emails, texts and comments on my blog & Myspace mean the world. Comments that let me know you're thinking of me-- comments that couldn't come at better time, since I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown these days. I am so incredibly thankful and blessed to have each of you in my life- and you know who you are. My prayer of Thanks will be for each of you this year.

Speaking of, prayer is a wonderful thing which I need to do much more of. Finding a good church is on my to-do list. So is losing this extra weight. Hmm.. maybe I'm on to something. A church/gym? Now that's what I'm talkin' about.

Phase two.. Complete.

Phase two of operation Life Change is complete. Today is my last day with the big Ernst & Young. It's good to leave on a high note, I hear. I worry about my boss being stressed out with having to deal with an inexperienced team, but that's what she gets paid for, I guess. I worry about my team members who don't know how to deal with my boss and who are intimidated by her moods. I worry about the fate of my little team without me.. not that they can't function without me, just that they won't thrive. My boss will be in meetings and they will be left to flounder and then they will receiver her wrath when she finally reviews their work. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

I've been packing all week.. a little at a time. C and I plan to move me next week sometime. I've found an apartment in Tyler that I want to look at, but it won't be available until mid-December which means I'll either be staying at a motel or I'll be doing a lot of driving... probably both. I'm not looking forward to any of it, but I'll live. I'm just ready to be settled, but it'll be a while until that happens.

Monday is C's birthday. Since he didn't get me anything for our anniversary (besides our Austin trip), he's calling his guitar his birthday present. So, all he's getting on Monday is a card and some t-shirts from the Gap. I'm going to his house today and we're going to hunt all weekend. He's built two box stands and put them on two different properties, so we've even got some variety. I've never been hunting before, so I'm excited to go with him, especially since he loves it so much. I'm not buying a license, I'm just going to sit with him. Are i-pods allowed?

I can't believe it's already Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for.. I'll be thinkin' on it for another post.. especially since I'm so boring these days. I would like to say thank you to my wonderful friends for all of the kind words of encouragement and for their time and laughter and letting me vent through this stressful process. Friends are such a blessing.

So, happy Friday everyone. Happy last day of EY to me. Happy future.

Y'all come back now, ya hear?

I was going to give you a real (boring) update post, but I'm tired. I've been working on a project that I brought home from work and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of sitting in this uncomfortable chair listening to the CMA awards because nothing else is on.

I haven't found anywhere to live. I got really excited about one today, but as C said, "It didn't favor much".. unless a crack shack counts. I'm getting extremely stressed out at the thought that I'm supposed to move next weekend and have no where to move to. I think I'm just going to have to end up getting an apartment and we'll keep looking for a rent house. Neither of us likes that idea, but for now, it's the only option we have. Unless I wanted to drive an hour and twenty minutes one way from his house. Nothankyou.

So, there's an update. I'm just tired. And stressed the eff out. Someday, I'll get back to writing real stuff. Or maybe I won't.

Holy crap, there's Rascal Flatts and Jamie Fox! What in the blue hell?

On the contrary..

I haven't stopped posting, per se... I just haven't had time. It's been a whirlwind few days to say the least. Let me see if I can give you a run down, one bullet at a time.

• Thursday, they made me an offer. A damn good one, complete with relocation. It's a few dollars less than I make now, but it's VERY good for the market I'm moving to.
• Friday, I bit my tongue and told only those closest to me. I told the recruiter I wanted to take the weekend to think about it. The truth is, I wanted to take the weekend and talk to C, since this is a HUGE step in the right direction for us. If his heart isn't in it, there's no need in me moving. Turns out, his heart is in the same place as mine.
• Saturday, we drove to Jacksonville, detouring though Henderson which is where we hope to find a home to rent. It will be difficult and may not happen by the time we start, but I'm hopeful. Henderson is in the middle of where we each need to be- me 30 minutes west and he's 30 minutes east. However, we're open to options.. possibly the south Kilgore area and all small towns in between. If anyone knows anyone in that area, PLEASE let me know.. it's my last and only thing to worry about!
• Sunday, we rested. We went to lunch, looked at cars (since I will FINALLY be able to comfortably afford one) and just hung out with each other. We enjoyed a scrumptious meal in Shreveport at one of those Japanese restaurants where they cook at your table. YUM!
• Monday. Oh Monday. That was the day I accepted the position. And I called ads in the paper for houses for rent. And I called real estate offices in hopes they also handled rentals, all to no avail. There is a house that will be ready in a couple of weeks that is being "redone". It's a three bedroom in Overton. Google it, I did. C and I relaxed on the porch, watching a blazing fire which resulted from him cleaning out his closet. I'm taking mine to Goodwill- he burned his... and what was left of hers. Shoes and all. It was very cathartic for him. Me? I took target practice on a cock-- a rooster, for those of you wondering. We found a nice ceramic pencil holder in the back bedroom and I made handy use of his .22. Blew the head right off and a couple more shots left him in shambles. *baCOCK*
• Today, I worked. And I worked hard. The only break I took was to go to the doctor to try and heal the ringworm my dog seems to have given me. We got another termination today. . it wasn't mine though. I called my boss who was on vacation about 5:30 and gave notice. We talked for an hour and a half. It was full of "What the hell am I going to do" and "I hate it for me, but I'm happy for you" comments. And I believe that she is. I put it in writing in a very nice email, thanking her for the years and for being a great teacher, mentor and friend. And I honestly feel that way. I told her that phone call was harder than breaking up with a few guys I've dated.

So, now you're all caught up, internet. I'm moving on.. and fast. It's crazy how one phone call on a Thursday could change my life. Stick around.. there's plenty more to come.

From the recruiter:

Hi Sara,



You are still being considered for the position. I hope to have a decision from xxxxx very soon so I can be back in touch with you soon. Thank you for your continued interest.



Diana

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

So two things have kicked off my morning swimmingly.

First, I checked my email after I showered and saw that the place I interviewed a couple of weeks ago has reposted the job on Monster. This comes after I received a call from the recruiter on Tuesday to ask how the interview went and to see if I was still interested. She said the hiring manager thought it went "pretty well" too. WTF? Now they've reposted the position. So, my question to you, internet, is:

Should I email/call the recruiter and ask her if they decided to go in a different direction, or just let it be. C seems to think that act would appear desperate, but I think it's an innocent question since I SAW THE REPOSTING. If you don't want to hire me, just say so. Ugh.

Second, freakin' Whataburger screwed up my taquito. All I ask for is no egg- is that so hard? I didn't realize it til I was already to the freeway and couldn't turn around. So, one of my coworkers got a free breakfast. Double ugh.


Last night I got an email telling me I'd won a $250 gift certificate to Robbins Brothers (where we looked at horses, aka engagement rings). I had signed up for their email list and they said I could win prizes, but hell! Now I'm torn because:
a) C isn't making any moves towards purchasing anything- at least that I know of.
b) There's a guy in Midland one of his coworkers is buying from that he's shown interest in talking to.
c) They don't have anything but wedding/engagement jewelry (though they might have some necklaces). What would I spend $250 on if not towards a ring?
d) They want me to take a picture with the manager and write a paragraph about my "winning experience". "Uh- I opened the email and saw I won. Yay." WTF?

I'm supposed to reply within 48 hours.. I'd like your advice on this, too.


Tomorrow, I'm going to attempt to leave work a little early (around 3:00), in an attempt to get out of Dallas and arrive in Houston after rush hour. I'm going to see my Heather's new home and watch my dear friend Lacy marry. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the driving, but that can't be helped. Unless I drive to Tyler tonight and meet C to drop off Shiner and fly. I doubt that will happen though.

I promise better blogs are coming.. you know, a little more thought provoking than "Whataburger screwed up my order". I'm in a funk, what can I say?

UPDATE: +2 for this morning: 1- We're getting laptops! Hopefully quickly followed by working from home a couple of days a week. 2- Campisi's for lunch!

Swap Shop

My boyfriend just called to tell me that he and a co-worker called the Swap Shop and put his other co-worker's car, a Buick, up for sale. Said co-worker is out of town this weekend for a wedding in Baton Rouge and of course, the boys gave out his cell phone number on the radio. They said the car was his grandfather's and he only wanted $1500, so you can imagine the number of calls he's receiving. C got a text from him right before he called me that said, "Stop it with the Swap Shop" which illicited howls of laughter. Good times.

On tap for this weekend- the FAIR! Fried everything, Big Tex and Billy Ray Cyrus oh my! My Vegas girls are coming in, so it will surely be one for the record books. I know at least two of us are in the market for new COCK hats! I'll post pictures if I bring my camera.

This week has been a range of emotions for me. I may or may not write more about it, time will tell. It could be life changing.. I'll just leave it at that.

Happy Friday, friends!

update

It went very well. I met with four of the five people I was scheduled for and answered all their questions pretty well.. at least that's what I think. We'll see what happens next, I guess. Thanks for all of your well wishes!

I treated myself to a pedicure on the rest of my afternoon off.. being sick has never looked so good!

leaving on a fast train

I'm leaving around 6:30 in the morning and heading two hrs south east for an interview which could change my life. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. I have a job I like now. I like my co-workers (as crazy as they make me). I like the challenges and I like the money. What I don't like is being so far from those I love and being on the road every single weekend. I want to spend more time together than apart, for once. I want to actualy stay home. So, tomorrow could be the first step in that direction.

I feel very guilty about the whole process because my boss and I have spent hours talking about people who are looking and interviewing- even one on our own team. Not once did I hint about what I was doing. What happens if I have to walk in one day very soon and give notice? Ugh. That's the only part I'm dreading. Our team is new. I'm the only one who knows it all (well- enough). But, I can't live my life to help my boss. I've done that for almost three years now, anyway.

I've spent the last hour trying to find an outfit that's not hideous and while I will probably be very uncomfortable, isn't that what interviewing is supposed to be? I'm meeting with five people for 45 minutes each and then they're all taking me to lunch.. that sounds promising, right?

I will try to stay motivated and update when I get home tomorrow. Wish me luck!

let the water take me higher..

Sometimes the best words are someone else's words. The ones below popped into my head while staring at this blank screen.. I'll give you a few things of my own anyway.

• I have a second interview on Tuesday.. I'm just praying for the good Lord's will.
• I hope Texas spanks OU this weekend, though after last weekend's pitiful performance, I'm not sure I even care.
• Our weekend in Austin was wonderful. The distance is killing us.
• I'm a busy girl this week at work. I like it, even though I complain. I'll miss it if I go.
  

I'm a bundle of fear, I'm a pile of doubts
But I hope through the fear, I pray it all works out
'Cause it always does
When it rains, sometimes it floods

I'm a shot in the dark, I'm a fist in your gut
I might do something crazy, to get myself out of this rut
But when push comes down to shove
When it rains, sometimes it floods

Let the dam break down
Let the water wash over me
I don't care if I drown
If that's how it has to be
Let the water wash over me

I get out on the edge, but I come back to the middle
All points in between, of my own personal riddle
Yeah the answers they slowly come
But when it rains, sometimes it floods

It all gets lost, no matter how hard you try
Everything comes with a cost
No there ain't no way to slide
This illusion is clear as mud
When it rains, sometimes it floods

Let the dam break down
Let the water wash over me
I don't care if I drown
If that's how it has to be
Let the water wash over me

For Woodrow

I tried to post last night but blogger was being a little bitch. So, since I got up a little early this morning, why not post now instead of getting to work early?

Last Saturday, C and I fired up the grill and these (along with two chickens not pictured) are the results. Yes, the pork loin was as yummy as it looks. The jalapeno's were hot enough to give me a hint of what hell might be like and inspired me to pray more!














Sunday, we watched "Streets of Laredo" (sequel to Lonesome Dove) and Cold Mountain. That Joey Garza was one crazy mofo and Nicole Kidman has absolutely flawless skin. I'm glad Renee Z. won the Oscar.. she deserved it. Needless to say, I got my fill of killing.. and crying. Ugh.

Yesterday, I had a phone interview for a job in Jacksonville, Tx. It sounds very promising and the interview went very well. For once, my experience IS what they are looking for. I've been invited to tour the plant and will hopefully schedule that soon.

Today, our "big boss" for lack of a better word, is in town. Hopefully he can provide some insight as to what his "vision" is. It's been a long year dangling at the end of the yo-yo.

Tomorrow, C and I are heading to Austin to celebrate our one year anniversary. I'm looking forward to it, mainly just to get out of town. Sweet Dawn is keeping my Shiner for me. I know he'll be in great hands, but I sure will miss the little fella!

Cryptic thought for today:
Some things, no matter what is said or how many times it is addressed, never seem to dissapate. Some things don't have a solution, you just learn to live with it, adjust your life and move on. These same things may surely be the death of me.

Something like it..

Every so often, I get in one of those "life is too short" kind of moods. Life is too short to be sitting in this office. Life is too short not to enjoy a beautiful day. Life is too short to live where you are no longer happy or be away from those you long for. The reality is that I'm trying to rectify the situation, but really. That saying "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" is true. C and I have been together just shy of one year and for at least half that time, I've been trying to move closer to him. What I wouldn't give to just pick up and move somewhere new- maybe Colorado or Wyoming - even though I swore I'd never leave Texas again. Maybe the hill country where my heart is happiest. But I'm too rational to do that. I tried it once and it didn't suit me. I worry to much about how to pay my next bill or money for "the future". 401-k and insurance and all that bs that is instilled as important at a young age.

I wish I had a little more gypsy and a little less "by the books".
I wish I had more heart and less head.
I wish I had the means and the guts to do what I really want to do.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
Here's to precious time, making changes for the right reasons and happiness. May we all find some.

For what it's worth

This week at work, I've been especially detached. I doodle and waste time online and avoid work. I can't focus, all I want to do is not be there. We had a meeting- the 18 of us left in the office. It was billed as an "update", but it was far from it. Basically, my boss's boss shared that he doesn't know anything. He doesn't know what the future holds for us. When asked specific questions, his answer was, "I don't really know." His boss is coming down from New Jersey at the end of the month to "share his vision for the future" and an org chart which hopefully will tell us where we fit into this new organization. I realized while sitting in that meeting, that I really had no desire to go further with this company. It's a great company- but my office, and my tasks are not. We no longer have a strong leader willing to fight for us, but rather someone who is happy to wait to be told what to do. He has been in India for the better part of eight months, but has been back in the office for three weeks now. In that time, he hasn't pursued the "pages" of questions he has for his boss regarding his new role and hasn't provided us any direction in his absence. He wants us to all get along, to communicate and be open with one another- and his openness says "I know nothing". I don't function well with that and, judging by the number of people looking and interviewing, neither do a lot of us. When you only have 18 people in an office and even two leave- that leaves a pretty sizable hole.

So, I've spent the better part of the last hour online, scouring job sites for something a little closer to my heart. It was a fruitless search. I'm trying to remain positive and hopeful, but the truth is, I'm no longer certain something will arise. Perhaps it's time for me to take a risk and take my life back. But how? With what?


On a happier, er, stranger note- Each time I visited http://www.weather.com/ today at work, I got directed to the "Wedding Weather" page. I took a screenshot and sent it to C and we laughed about it, but still.. very strange. I delete my temporary files and clear my cookies every night. I wonder if it's a sign...

Life's a Garden.. Dig It.

Ahhh.. what a great weekend. Since I had Friday off, I drove to my sweet baby's arms Thursday night. He had to work on Friday, so I met his stepmom for lunch and shopping in the small town. It was nice to spend some time with her.. I hope she and I can have a great friendship. I really like her. Friday night we went out to eat for our anniversary and then I fell asleep on the couch by 10:00.. go me! Saturday was the opening of Dove season, so he and I both left around noon and took off in separate directions. I really, really, really hate leaving him. Have I said that lately?

Saturday night, my second weekend began. I met some of my best girls in Ft. Worth and we partied down. I got home later than I should and woke up bright and early (9:30), ready to do it all over again. We went to the Red Dirt Roundup in the Stockyards. Normally, I loathe big festival, all day concerts. But this one wasn't as bad for three reasons. One, it was Erica's birthday and I sure do love that girl. Two, I needed to catch up with my girls for some proverbial "girl time". Three, we had VIP tickets which allowed us to sit in a tent with fans and misters. We had our own bar in there and it was in the middle of both stages. Now, that's the way to do it. As V and I said, "We know what they look like" and I happily parked my ass only leaving for turkey legs and the potty.

Sunday was Pickin' for Preemies. What a wonderful event that Mr. Frazell organizes to raise money (about $20k this year) for the March of Dimes. He and his wife just had their second preemie and man was that little toot cute. I told her that his butt probably didn't even have a split in it when he was born-- just like a tadpole! Last year it was in Dallas, just minutes from my house and this year it was at the Glass Cactus at the Gaylord Texan Resort. As pretentious as that place is, it turned out to be a wonderful day. I have tons of pictures (that I didn't take), but I haven't gone through them yet.

Now's the part where I name names. I should offer up a disclaimer and say these thoughts are my own and do not represent anyone else's.

The first set began with Walt Wilkins singing Poetry. If you've never seen Walt- GO. He's a wonderfully peaceful, spiritual and poetic man. His very presence is powerful, yet soothing all at once. Poetry was a fitting song for the event and brought tears to more than one eye.

Third was Ryan Bingham and the cool cat he is. I've been going to see Ryan for many years and I'm thrilled he's finally drawing the crowd he deserves. He wins over new fans at every show- I highly recommend him, too. Ryan's a storyteller-- and they're not necessarily happy stories or politically correct stories- they are his story and that's what makes them so amazing. The thing about him is that he has lived every. single. word. He's a gypsy and I could listen to his words for hours upon hours.
















The last guy in the first set was Mr. Adam Hood of Opelika, Alabama. I love Adam and the way he says my name, Sayra. His is a soulful song with a new twang that is welcome in a scene full of so many posers. Adam always has a smile, a hug and a hand shake. It's refreshing.



You may notice I skipped #2-- Darren Kozelsky. I did it for a reason, because I don't feel he belongs. That probably won't sit well with many folks, but it takes more than a big shiny tour bus to impress me. Darren's a great guy, very genuine and nice- I just don't have much else to say. Each time I see him in a songwriter setting, he's out played and out sung with every effort. Just my opinion, however.

I missed all of the second set as I'm not much for the twangy, redneck country that is Kevin Fowler and the others in that set. Sue me.

The third set... man, oh man. Randy Rogers, Radney Foster, Brandon Rhyder and Josh Grider. Sweet Jesus come to earth, that set was amazing. It was my first time to see Radney, which has been on my list of things to do for a LONG time, and his brief four songs only got my mouth watering for more. Radney produced Randy's last record and is producing Brandon's next record. It was so cool to see his reaction to their new stuff and to Josh's songs.. It was an amazing, amazing set. The show could've been over right then and I would've been a darn happy girl.








Last set was Wade Bowen, Cody Canada (of Cross Canadian Ragweed), Stoney Larue, and Jason Boland. Wade was great. He's serious, for lack of a better word. He's serious about his music, about the art of it all and serious about respect. And I love him for it. Boland on the other end, he too seemed to be in a rather introverted mood. He's looking kinda scrawny these days, but so healthy and happy. I love this Jason. Cody and Stoney-- man, they came to cut up! Those boys, all tatted up, played and picked and told stories on and about each other. It was such fun to watch them having so much fun together, since three of the four honed their craft up in Stillwater. I can't really explain why I was a tad disappointed by this set.. I just was.














Last night I went to bed at 9:30 and if I have my way I'll do it again tonight. I'm still recovering from my weekend and getting back in the swing of things.


I don't care what anyone says, I just don't have a dog in that race anymore.