About a bathroom.

I have a theory about my office bathroom (newly remodeled).  There are three main stalls and then a couple of handicapped stalls that no one uses because they were finished after the main three and frankly, I don't know if they are actually finished or not.  So, we have the main three stalls.  All identical, yet each with their own... "characteristics".

There is the one on the end against the wall, which is kind of dark and has the fart fan directly above it.  Clearly, the people who use this stall prefer their privacy (ifyouknowwhatimean).  Then, there's the middle stall (which I'll come back to) and the first stall.  Forget that the first stall is connected to the handicapped stalls because again, no one uses them so they may as well not even exist.  The first stall is HIGH TRAFFIC and preferred.  I wish I knew the psychology behind it because I'm sure there is some.  I guess no one wants to sit next to a pooper. 

So, the majority of the people (I'm talking 99%) go in the first stall unless it's occupied and then they choose the last stall.  What does that leave?  That's right.  MY STALL.  The perfectly good, perfectly unused middle stall. 

A couple of months ago, the germaphobe in me (cultivated by my husband) realized that the middle stall was always empty.  So, I started using it.  Literally, I've been out of the office for a doctor's appointment all morning, come in around lunch and the seat is still up from the previous night's toilet cleaning.  NO ONE USES MY STALL BUT ME.  In an office, do you realize how awesome that is?  AND, if anyone else does use it, the traffic is very sparse which makes my bottom very happy. 

I can't believe I just wrote that much about my office bathroom, but I think about it everytime I go in there, so I figured that was the universe's way of telling me to share.  Or, maybe I'm just nuts.  ZIP IT.

Suggested

I just read this and it cracked me up to the point that I had to challenge Google, as well.  I honestly never paid attention to their "suggestions" before, but now... lawsie mercy.


All I typed was the word "why":

Wow, Google. Just wow.

Turkey Tuesday

Spotted this morning... only in east Texas?

Let's talk about Big Brother.

If you're not watching, you can stop reading now. But if you are- chime in, let's dish.

• I just want to put it out there that Jeff is hot. Also, Jordan needs to stop playing hard to get.... give the boy some sugar at least!
• I'm SO glad Russell is gone and it really makes me mad that he tried to play off his 'roid rage as a ploy to Julie. Like he was just acting.
• Michelle is SUCH a bad liar. And a klutz to boot. And her hair is really bad.
• Natalie. Natalie, natalie, natalie. She should've been gone a long time ago. Now she and Kevin are going to turn on Jeff and he won't even know what hit him. Here's to hoping he wises up. And she calls herself a tough competitor but she has YET to win ANYTHING. She's just a coat-tail rider.
• Now that Kevin is HOH (seriously, Jordan- how 'bout some EFFORT in the HOH competition), I'm sure Natalie and Michelle will be even further up his ass. Ugh. I liked Kevin... til he teamed up with stupid Natalie.
• And what the hell was up with those PINK pants Jessie was wearing in the Jury House?

Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

These crack me up.

Originally read here but edited.

Random thoughts from people 25-35 years old..

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (Unless you puke on them- hello Idaho!)

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

We are?!

This is what happens when our president stops giving a shit.

Bush says U.S. economy in "rough patch"

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - President George W. Bush said on Thursday the U.S. economy was in a "rough patch" but noted that steps have been taken to try to spur growth.

"We're in a rough patch right now," Bush said in answer to a question at a joint news conference with British Prime Minister Gordon Brown.

I should be working on month-end close

But instead, I'm reading the crime log from my old alma mater's newspaper. When I was in college, that was always my favorite section and... it looks like it still is. I don't know what's more entertaining- what was done or the way it was written. Behold:

• Missing Person. Officers took a missing person report from a complainant in Crockett who said their brother went to The Anex in Nacogdoches last night but never returned home to Crockett. Crockett PD then located him this afternoon driving drunk in town and arrested him.
• At 1:33 a.m. an officer observed a vehicle that was parked with the engine running in Lot 58. As the officer approached the vehicle he observed that the driver was slumped over behind the steering wheel. The officer made contact with the driver and could detect a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath. The officer then placed this subject under arrest for public intoxication and transported him to the Nacogdoches County Law Enforcement Center.
• An officer was dispatched to the University Center in reference to theft. The officer contacted the complainant, who stated that sometime between 12/20/2007 and 02/12/2008 a Kodak camera was noticed to be missing or misplaced from the office of the Multicultural Center in the student center and the complainant further advised that she needed to file a report. There are no suspects.
• An officer was dispatched to the University Center in reference to criminal mischief that occurred by four juvenile males. The officer arrived and contacted the complainant, who stated that a black marks-a-lot was used by one of the juveniles to write on the walls. It was found that the juvenile that had written on the walls had been previously banned from campus. He was taken into custody and transported to the Juvenile Detention facility in Longview. There are four suspects.
• An officer was dispatched to Steen Hall in reference to a person with a handgun. The officer made contact with the complainant, who stated that she observed a male exhibit a handgun from the waistband of his pants. The suspect was gone upon the officer's arrival and the officer received further information that the handgun was possibly a toy. There are no suspects.
• Assault. Officers were dispatched to this residence regarding a disturbance. Officers arrived and contacted suspects who are husband and wife. Officers determined that the two had a lengthy argument during which they pushed and shoved each other. They were intoxicated and not cooperative, and both were arrested.
• Driving while intoxicated/possession of a control substance/possession of marijuana. An officer observed a vehicle attempt a U-turn in the 1900 block of North Street. The vehicle struck both curbs, crossed the sidewalk and went around a light pole. Officer affected a traffic stop on the vehicle and it pulled over the curb and onto the sidewalk. Officer contacted and identified the driver as Phillip Harvey. He displayed indicators of intoxication. Officer instructed Harvey through field sobriety tests and did poorly. He was arrested. A search of the vehicle incident to arrest revealed Hydrocodone, Alprazolam, Carisprodol and marijuana. He was arrested.
• Criminal Trespass. An officer was dispatched to Rudy's regarding a subject refusing to leave. Officers told him to leave and he stated he would not leave. Officers informed him he would be arrested if he did not leave. He told officers to arrest him. He was arrested.

Wednesday Confession:

I bought the damn song off iTunes and listened to it three times on my way to work.

Tuesday Confession:

I woke up this morning with that damn Miley Cyrus song stuck in my head. If you don't know what (or who) I'm talking about, consider yourself lucky. As soon as I got in my car, I turned the station to XM's 20 on 20 which does a top 20 countdown three or four times a day and plays nothing but top 40 the rest of the time. I just knew I'd hear it-- and sure enough, it was the second song on, though I caught only half in my flipping.

Seriously. What (practically) 28 year old, self respecting woman listens to MILEY CYRUS aka HANNAH EFFING MONTANA?!!!

Here's the chorus which made me laugh out loud when I read it. THIS is what I sang in the shower this morning?!!!

The last time I freaked out
I just kept looking down
I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I’m thinkin’ ’bout
Felt like I couldn’t breathe
You asked what’s wrong with me
My best friend Leslie said
Oh she’s just being Miley
The next time we hang out
I will redeem myself
My heart it can’t rest till then
Oo oh Oo Oh I, I can’t wait to see you again

I'm going to the gym now and am secretly hoping I hear it on my drive there so I can stop singing, "I'm just being Mil-ey" over and over and over again in my head. Ugh.

Voz.Kiz

I was just poking around the internet and came across an old friend's website and blog. She and I started kindergarten together and would've graduated high school together if she wasn't too smart for her own good and graduated early. I used to love spending time at her house as a kid and pre-dating teen. Her mom was the art teacher at the school and there was creativity oozing from the mortar there. After her mom re-married, her step dad encouraged her older brother to start a band--- which maybe I can blame for my love of musicians! Needless to say, there were lots of late nights, laughs and good times, all the way into college. She got married and had a beautiful boy who I can only assume, started or encouraged her photography. It seems it's blossomed into quite a "side job" and even our hometown is keeping her busy with their "next generation".

I tell you all of that to tell you this. Plain and simply, I'm jealous. I'm jealous of her beautiful photographs and I'm jealous of the work she's put into her talent. I know it's silly, but I kick myself when I see them because I could and should be working towards achieving the same thing. I have the equipment and I have the eye, I just haven't gotten around to adding to the knowledge base and oh, what's that word--- PRACTICING. I kick myself for being lazy and not taking advantage of time. Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of the work she's doing. The quality is exceptional which is exactly what I would expect from her. And perhaps, my lackadaisical attitude is exactly what I should expect from myself.

It sure as hell doesn't mean I have to like it, though.