Music Speaks

Life is so surreal. 

A few short weeks ago, our office celebrated the retirement of a wonderful man who had worked for the company for 47 years.  This past Sunday, he had a heart attack.  Today, his family made the impossible decision to remove life support.  His brain had been deprived life giving oxygen for too long, their father, friend and husband was gone. 

How fleeting it all is.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.


Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.


He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.


The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good. - W. H. Auden

Making {new} Plans

In all honesty, I was making plans.

Plans for dresses and tights.

Plans for ruffles and bows.

Plans for tutus and pettiskirts.

Plans for pink.

But, you can't win 'em all. 

And, I think I'm pretty much already a winner.

I mean, who would want to raise another me?

**The pictures are linked to the incredible Etsy stores where I found them.**

Sharing

I read this and loved it and wanted to remember it. What better way to remember than to share? I hope Ryan doesn't mind.

...Sometimes, the leaps are what count. Not the take off, not the landing, but that moment when you are suspended in the air, grinning like a fucking idiot at the one you love and praying that you're doing the right thing.

Wishful Dreaming

I wish I'd taken more pictures of myself when I was pregnant. I loved being pregnant. I loved being rotund and awkward and out of breath. Maybe because I had an excuse to not be skinny or maybe because the belly absorbed anything extra around my middle (also promptly left it in it's wake). I loved it even in the very last moments. Carter was breech, so I was accustomed to rubbing his head or back in my belly. I loved trying to figure out what body parts I felt. I loved feeling him move, even when he woke me up in the middle of the night. The pain in my hips and back is a distant memory, because I remember the love I had for the belly.

This is the last picture before he hatched. 12/25/2008 - 37 weeks

I wonder if it will be the same the second time around. (I'm not, yet.) I wonder if chasing a baby will make me loathe a belly. I wonder if I'll have morning sickness or high blood pressure, next time.


I'm getting ready, y'all. I ain't getting any younger, you know.

Grace Period

"Do you have a grace period for blogs before you remove them from your reader? If there is no post for 60 days w/o explanation, I delete."

I read that earlier and thought, "Wonder why she cares? I mean, I only see new posts so if a site I follow doesn't have any updates, I wouldn't know without digging." Then I thought, "I wonder if this applies for friends. That would be kind of harsh. Or would it?"

(I can't explain how my mind works, y'all. Just know that there is no explaining brilliance. ha.)

I don't have many friends these days. (No, this isn't some sort of lame plea - I'm just stating a fact.) I can count on one hand minus several fingers the number of people I can count as a "friend" on any given day. It's the bed I've made and I accept it. I'm fine with it, actually. I don't think I'm a great friend. I don't need people. I don't require attention or contact or face time. Some people do and that's where I fail.

On the flip side of my normal behavior, I recently went out of my way for a "friend" spending way too much money on a requested birthday gift. I couldn't help but remember that the same "friend" did not remember my birthday at all, nor did she give thanks for her gift. And I felt bitter. And anger. And resentment. If not for emails with less sentences than this paragraph, we would have no contact even though she lives only an hour away. I repeatedly go out of my way at an attempt at a relationship with her and get nothing but selfishness in return. Is that a friendship?

Friendships come with a contract, even if only implied. It only works if you are both in understanding. When one or both parties break that contract, the friendship is wounded, broken even. Should a grace period be applied before the tie is severed completely? Should the infraction be forgiven without even a word? Should I accept that others do unto me as I have done unto them? If there is no "friendship" within 60 days, should I delete?

food for thought

This beautiful thought stolen from vol. 25. Happy Monday!

I needed this today.

And it's totally acceptable that it came from a piece of chocolate. Reason # 5,678,321 of why I'm not perfect. I. EAT. CHOCOLATE.

2008: A Retrospective

I'm not entirely sure I used "retrospective" correctly in the title, but I'm all for throwing around big words like I know what I'm talking about.

Overall, 2008 has been, by far, the best year of my life. Let's face it, I pretty much hit the trifecta of all trifectas. To review: In May, I found out the love of my life and I had reproduced a mini-us. Since I think C is darn near perfect and he likes me alright I suppose, the idea of bringing a baby- OUR baby- into this world has brought us more excitement and confusion and fear and love, love, love than two people should be allowed. In July, we bought our first house. I'm pretty sure it will forever be a work in progress, but it's our home. In October, we joined our hearts forever in marriage. Better late than never, though I really couldn't have imagined it any other way. Except for maybe being several pounds lighter, but sometimes life just doesn't give you everything.

The thought of all we've achieved in 12 short months makes my head spin- but in the I've-sucked-too-much-helium-and-I'm-not-sure-my-feet-are-still-on-the-ground kind of way. I've been trying to sit and reflect on it all, but it never fails that my brain shifts to something I need to do right that very second. I've never been very good at reflecting.

Sure, there have been valleys mixed in with our mountain tops, but I have faith that this man of mine and I can get through just about anything. Faith is a very important thing to me. I have faith that I will figure a way to be a good mother and wife. I have faith that though I may not be Betty Crocker, I'm finding my way around the kitchen- I just needed a second.

I have wonderful girlfriends who have been next to me through this wild ride of 2008, too. These girls have calmed my nerves, been my lifeline and my biggest cheerleaders. I hate the miles between us and even though we may not talk as much as we used to, I know they're only a phone call away. And they know the same goes for me... basketball belly and all.

And so, 2008 ends. The coming of a new year always excites me because it's a chance at change- out with the old and in with the new. I can't imagine topping 2008, but I have a feeling 2009 just might give it a run for its money.

Happy New Year, Internet.

Reason for the Season

Several years ago at the height of my "Texas Music Discovery", a website was developed for all of us to get together and talk about the tunes and artists we had fallen in love with. That site, called Galleywinter, has now grown by leaps and bounds and has well over a 10,000 members and over 50 individual forums.

I say all that to say this: One of the "founding fathers" of the site has fallen on some really rough times. Last week, he lost his job to this damn economy and just yesterday, while at a job interview, he returned home to find his apartment burglarized and all of his belongings (including Christmas gifts) stolen. Jon Paul has poured more than his heart and soul into this music industry we love and for someone to steal his joy and his very livelihood just really, really stinks. You see, he is an incredible web designer by trade and the bastards even stole his computer which really leaves him up a creek.

When I heard the news this morning, my first thought was what I could do for him. Not what gifts to buy for my own family, but rather if my family would mind if I gave to JP instead. If you're inclined to help someone with a heart bigger than Texas, please follow this link, read the story and click to Donate. Just think, if all the members of just that website donated $1, we could raise $11,000 which would surely help the Christmas cheer!

Thanks in advance, if for nothing more than happy thoughts for JP and his family.

Thoughts for the day

16 Things it Took Me Over 50 Years to Learn
Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’

3. There is a very fine line between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think
she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Food for thought.

I was listening to an interview this morning with this guy and the interviewer asked him about "chocolate cake and four letter words". This is what he said- as repeated by me.

Think about a Ho-Ho and a piece of chocolate cake. They're both chocolate, but the Ho-Ho is light and fluffy but lacking much substance. It's filled with artificial things that offer no nutritional value.

Now think about a piece of chocolate cake.

It's rich and thick and full of goodness. It's got real ingredients- things with substance.

I think that's how a person's life should be- like chocolate cake. Sure, Ho-Ho's are a great snack, but if you really want something to remember- it's always the cake. Thick and rich and wonderful.

Chew on that. I did... and it was good.

Snack for thought...

Blind spots in your life don't have to be forever. You can break out of the pathological, limiting orbit defined by your past. You just have to turn in the direction of your pain and keep your eyes wide open.

- from Living the Truth

Food for Thought

Maybe we should be more thankful for our hardships & maybe its good to make things harder on yourself sometimes; it makes things matter more & it feels better once you're finally over whatever obstacle it is that you're facing. Pain is a weird thing. Everyone hates it & complains about it, but could you imagine life without it? Wouldn't it take the meaning out of everything that matters?