Hi! Remember me?

I know, I know, I got a new job and fell off the map.  Sound familiar?

I'm officially a teleworker- aka, one who works 100% from home.  Sweet! I think I've dreamed of this setup since, oh, day one of my working life.  In my dreams, I had SO MUCH TIME to do stuff around the house.  I'd do laundry and have a clean house and clean dishes and WOW was I ever wrong?

I WORK from the time I get back from dropping the kids at daycare (no, they can't stay here with me... I have to work!) until the time I leave to get them in the afternoon.  I work through lunch daily because I have to leave to get them by 4:45, usually 4:30.  Also, I have mandatory overtime, so I also have to log extra hours, usually some on the weekend, too.  I realize, that we're all paid to WORK all day, but I don't have any bs'ing in the hallway or chatting about American Idol.  In addition, I have a bit of a guilt complex that if someone from the office tries to reach me via instant message or phone and I'm not RIGHT THERE, then they must be dreaming of what I'm off doing.  My nails?  Watching daytime tv?  Napping?  I wish.

As far as the actual work, I love it.  Every day is something new and challenging and I really enjoy it.  I had no doubts about that, though.

My "office" is carved out of the playroom and I have a very nice baby fence in place to keep curious fingers away.  Last week I finally got my monitor and printer setup which made a tremendous difference.

Sometimes I miss having people to talk to and sometimes I realize I'm stunting myself when I find myself stumbling over words when I do speak.  Am I regressing?

This is boring, I realize, but it's what's going on with me.  I'm going to get a haircut on Thursday which I need desperately since I'm approaching mullet status.  My husband's co-workers are having a crawfish boil this weekend and I think I'm going to go childless so lookout!  Mama's gonna have a beer or maybe even three!

I joked with C that Carter's baby-hood was documented with a real camera, and Cooper's all via cell phone. That's how I feel sometimes so I've been trying to make more of an effort since he's already SIX MONTHS OLD.  If you're on my facebook, you've seen the most of him.

I'll try to do better, dear blog.  Honest.

Greener Pastures

Hello Monday.  How are you?  Me?  I'm fine.  I just put in my two week's notice at my current gig.  How's that for kicking off the week?

I have been offered and have accepted a familiar position which will allow me to work from home and have fairly flexible hours.  What does this mean for me?  No more hour long commutes to/from work.  No more getting up at 5:20am.  No more running to Walmart during lunch.  No more fast food.  It's a trade off, but one I think I can certainly live with. 

My last day here is January 28.  My first day at home is February 7, although half of my first week will be eaten up by orientation. 

Here's to 2011 and change.  *deep breath* annnnnnnnnnd RELEASE.

About a bathroom.

I have a theory about my office bathroom (newly remodeled).  There are three main stalls and then a couple of handicapped stalls that no one uses because they were finished after the main three and frankly, I don't know if they are actually finished or not.  So, we have the main three stalls.  All identical, yet each with their own... "characteristics".

There is the one on the end against the wall, which is kind of dark and has the fart fan directly above it.  Clearly, the people who use this stall prefer their privacy (ifyouknowwhatimean).  Then, there's the middle stall (which I'll come back to) and the first stall.  Forget that the first stall is connected to the handicapped stalls because again, no one uses them so they may as well not even exist.  The first stall is HIGH TRAFFIC and preferred.  I wish I knew the psychology behind it because I'm sure there is some.  I guess no one wants to sit next to a pooper. 

So, the majority of the people (I'm talking 99%) go in the first stall unless it's occupied and then they choose the last stall.  What does that leave?  That's right.  MY STALL.  The perfectly good, perfectly unused middle stall. 

A couple of months ago, the germaphobe in me (cultivated by my husband) realized that the middle stall was always empty.  So, I started using it.  Literally, I've been out of the office for a doctor's appointment all morning, come in around lunch and the seat is still up from the previous night's toilet cleaning.  NO ONE USES MY STALL BUT ME.  In an office, do you realize how awesome that is?  AND, if anyone else does use it, the traffic is very sparse which makes my bottom very happy. 

I can't believe I just wrote that much about my office bathroom, but I think about it everytime I go in there, so I figured that was the universe's way of telling me to share.  Or, maybe I'm just nuts.  ZIP IT.

And so it goes...

• I only thought I hated Mondays. Now, I have to leave him for the first time every single week. Lori said she still crys some Mondays... I understand. I'll be crying every Monday morning from now til he goes to college. Which will be next week as fast as time is flying.
• To cope, I had a slice of homemade cheesecake for breakfast at work. Yum. I'm glad someone's wife has spare time to do things like that.
• I went Easter dress shopping yesterday and bought one in a MEDIUM! Go me and my lactating ass! (No, my ass isn't lactating, you freaks- but I'm a calorie burning fool!)
• Every week, Saturday specifically, I tell Carter "xx weeks ago at this time..." to celebrate another week of his life. This week, I forgot. It was Sunday morning before I remembered. Is this what my life is like now? Distracted and busy and stressed and trying to cram every.single.second. that I've missed with my son into two days? Unacceptable and impossible.
• Our house is still in shambles. We're still living only out of the master bedroom, but there's an end in sight- sort of. Last week, the walls and ceilings in the den, living room, kitchen, foyer and hallway were textured and yesterday, we had them painted (flat white). Wednesday, color will be going up. Color which we haven't chosen yet. Olive or khaki? How many shades?
• Our inherited refridgerator that was born in like 1978 crapped out some time over the weekend. I thought the door was left cracked overnite, but no- things were sweating because THERE WAS NO MORE COLD AIR. Grrrreat. Apparently it's working for the moment, but it's a good thing a new one was already in our budget.
• I had high hopes that by returning to work, I would have more time to write. That's probably true, but I'm finding topics not involving the baby very hard to come by. Has this evolved into a Mommy blog? Probably so. But, it always has been and always will be a reflection of my life. And I'm a mommy now.
• Congratulations to Gabby and Robert on their little Robert the third. I don't know what they're going to call him, but I'm lobbying for Tres!
• My job rank has been restructured as an hourly position. I've never been hourly. My boss think's it's horseshit and encouraged me to maintain my flexibility. She said she refuses to pay me for less than 80 hours every two weeks. I feel restricted and watched. And my face is still stinging from the slap.
• Happy Opening Day, Ranger fans!
• Random thoughts from the ACM's: I can't stand Jennifer Nettles (Sugarland) voice. What did Toby Keith's hat do to deserve being forced over his gigantic noggin? Jack... heyyyyyyy. Matthew's boots-- great story. I'm sure George has helped more than one guy score in his life. Taylor Swift- why must you continue to torture us with live performances?

Follow me...

Sometimes I'm convinced I'm the only woman going through this. You know, the tears and worry and smiles and hugs and trying to squeeze as much love as possible into the brief moments you have together that it's exhausting and potentially smothering. But I know I'm not. I find solace in other women online who had babies around the same time as me, so I can read their stories and realize I'm not crazy afterall.

Before I had Carter, I didn't understand when mothers said I would experience a love like I've never known before. It's so true. I don't remember what it felt like to not have him in my life, in my heart. Some days I think I can't possibly love any more, but then he smiles and I melt and suddenly there's more room in my heart. He is the BEST thing that we've ever done- hands down. We are so blessed.

This is day three back to work and day three of daycare. Let me tell you, we're still figuring things out. Sometimes I find myself getting lost in my work and then remembering I have a baby and I feel guilty for forgetting him for a moment. How can that happen with the digital frame and pictures scattered around my office? It only takes a glimpse at his face smiling back at me for all the memories to come rushing back.

"I miss him" doesn't even do justice to what leaving him feels like. Knowing the ladies at the daycare are there to change him and feed him and attempt to soothe him when he's sad- but they can't ever love him enough. Today, I went to visit during lunch and he stopped fussing the moment he heard my voice. Talk about making a mama feel good! He really does love me! It's just such a big change- for both of us. If I think about it too much I get weepy, so excuse the lack of elaboration.

*sigh*

I can't gather all my thoughts enough to effectively communicate how I feel this week. Just know that it's been awful and wonderful all at the same time. Awful when I have to leave him and awful when I'm away. Wonderful in that I appreciate the time I get to spend with his smiles more, but damn it slips away so quickly... next thing you know he'll be starting kindergarten, then college, then I'll be a grandma. Oy.

Voz.Kiz

I was just poking around the internet and came across an old friend's website and blog. She and I started kindergarten together and would've graduated high school together if she wasn't too smart for her own good and graduated early. I used to love spending time at her house as a kid and pre-dating teen. Her mom was the art teacher at the school and there was creativity oozing from the mortar there. After her mom re-married, her step dad encouraged her older brother to start a band--- which maybe I can blame for my love of musicians! Needless to say, there were lots of late nights, laughs and good times, all the way into college. She got married and had a beautiful boy who I can only assume, started or encouraged her photography. It seems it's blossomed into quite a "side job" and even our hometown is keeping her busy with their "next generation".

I tell you all of that to tell you this. Plain and simply, I'm jealous. I'm jealous of her beautiful photographs and I'm jealous of the work she's put into her talent. I know it's silly, but I kick myself when I see them because I could and should be working towards achieving the same thing. I have the equipment and I have the eye, I just haven't gotten around to adding to the knowledge base and oh, what's that word--- PRACTICING. I kick myself for being lazy and not taking advantage of time. Don't get me wrong, I am very proud of the work she's doing. The quality is exceptional which is exactly what I would expect from her. And perhaps, my lackadaisical attitude is exactly what I should expect from myself.

It sure as hell doesn't mean I have to like it, though.

Maundy, Maundy

Today is Maundy Thursday, 2008. In case you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about:

In the Christian liturgical calendar, Maundy Thursday or Holy Thursday is the feast or holy day falling on the Thursday before Easter that commemorates the Last Supper of Jesus Christ with the Apostles. It is the fifth day of Holy Week, and is preceded by Holy Wednesday and followed by Good Friday.

On this day four events are commemorated: the washing of the Disciples' feet by Jesus Christ, the institution of the Mystery of the Holy Eucharist at the Last Supper, the agony of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, the betrayal of Christ by Judas Iscariot.

I don't have any special plans, but it's interesting just the same. Maybe I'll get a pedicure.

Today is also the first day of spring, 2008! Fitting that the weather will be PERFECT. I'm looking so forward to the weekend- as usual. We're only working half a day tomorrow, so for that I'm glad. I love having my "moonroof" open when the weather is nice. Pretty soon it'll be too hot, though. When did they stop calling it a "sunroof" anyway?

This is the most stressful week I've had yet. My boss is out of town, so I don't have her to deflect me from the intimidating supervisors questioning why our inventory is so horrendous. I've got answers though and I'm pretty confident I can hush them... at least until she gets back. I don't know why I feel like that number is my responsibility-- I have absolutely nothing to do with production-- but I do. My stomach was in knots all day yesterday... I'm such a people pleaser. So far I've only had one visitor, but the day is young.

I'm selling our opening day tickets. Well, I'm going to attempt to sell them, anyway. Since C is going hunting in Colorado this fall (E, there's an extra couple of spots), he needs all the vacation time he has. And since opening day falls on a Tuesday AND we have plans to go to a game the following Sunday, it just made since to ditch the expensive bitches and enjoy a weekend instead of driving up and back on the same day, mid-week. If anyone is interested in the tickets, let me know. Be warned that they're hellaciously expensive, even if you pay what I paid. Yesterday, I checked the site where I bought them and tickets three rows from mine are listed for $100 more than what I paid in January, so Mama's hoping for a profit! I'm listing them tonight and if no one buys them, then we'll just have to go. Sounds like a plan to me.

My car is still kicking ass. My current tank of gas is averaging 28mpg. Rock on.

Saturday, we're celebrating C's dad's birthday with crawfish. I don't eat the boogers, but I'll enjoy the sunshine and the corn (and beer). I'm planning on church on Sunday and lunch at my mama's. I bought a new dress for Easter and let me tell you, a) I'm glad it was on sale and b) I'm glad I'm going to the gym. Ick.

Y'all take care.

Crazies

A shooting in Louisiana, a shooting in Missouri and an explosion in Georgia-- man, what is going on in this country?! We can't even blame it on a full moon.

I can't believe it's practically Valentine's day already. I repeated last year's gift and got Ranger's opening day tickets. Yes, it's not til April, but who's counting. Section 17, row 8, bitches. It's on the third base side, but who cares. We had such a good time last year even though it was overcast and cold. This year, it's on a Tuesday which will surely screw up the entire week, but maybe we'll take two days off.

It's the end of a very stressful week here at work. I deleted some muy importante recs off our network drive on Monday which caused me a near heart attack until they were restored yesterday morning. This was also my first month to go through the month end process on my own. I think I did horribly and should be fired, but my boss said I did great. What a Positive Polly she is!

I have no plans for the weekend. Maybe Brandon Rhyder in Nacogdoches or steaks at my mom's. There's a club here in Tyler that is booking lots of OKOM. I saw earlier in the week that Mr. McClure will be here on March 1 and during one week in April, I get the Motorcars AND Adam Hood. Hooray!

I'm ready for Mexico. I don't know when it's happening, but you can bet your boots that I'll be there. Barmaid, play me some Buffett...

Little pink dress, hanging by her knees...

• I am a self proclaimed addict to Oprah & Friends, XM channel 156. Yesterday, I bought three books I'd heard about while listening and wanted a fourth which was not in stock. They were:
  
  
  The last one is the one I didn't get, but sounds really interesting. Basically the authors looked at restaurant foods and found an alternative which had a LOT fewer calories. For example: A 6" personal pan Uno's Pizzaria pizza was equivalent to 18 slices of a Domino's thin crust cheese pizza. Anyway, it's on my list.
• C & I are trying desperately to eat better. He's obsessed about his teeny tiny little belly and is convinced it's heart attack fat that will eventually kill him. Trouble is, he doesn't lose weight there- he loses weight in the already skinny rest of his body! We bought matching digital scales, so we are now among the weight obsessed. I haven't owned a scale since I moved out at the age of 18. Ugh.
• I'm slowly but surely adding worth to my office. This week, I threw myself into building (and learning) an Access query. It took an inordinate amount of time, but I think I've managed to produce a quality product. Yes, it's Thursday and I started on it Monday afternoon. So?
• I wish I would have been in Steamboat. While I was at work waiting for 5:00, the Musicfest'ers were choosing what show to go to at 3:00. It's a rough life. At least I've gotten to live vicariously through a few calls and texts-- and the XM broadcasts! Hallelujah! I sure hope someone recorded them.
• I'm expecting my new down comforter to arrive Monday. I originally ordered it the Sunday before NYE after we bought C one at Kohl's in Shreveport. I loved his and he wanted to get me one, too. So, I ordered it and waited. And waited. And then Tuesday, I got an email saying my order had been cancelled due to product availability. I called last night and wouldn't you know they had "a ton" of them-- but they weren't as deeply discounted as the price I had originally gotten. My theory is that they didn't want to honor the price which was $30 less than it is now-- but the helpful representative reordered it for me and gave me the original price-- and sent it priority air with no shipping fees. Score!
• Speaking of honor. My old apartment complex in Dallas-- you know the one. The one where I broke my lease to move to Tyler for a job? On 12/28, I got a letter/statement from them saying my account was past due and that someone from collections would be contacting me to retrieve the $3,400 I owed them. You read correctly. They want me to pay for all rent through March when my lease was originally scheduled to expire. Now, I've already paid them a "reletting fee" and paid back all of the "concessions" (discounts) I received during the current lease period. On top of that, now I'm allegedly responsible for rent, too. Now tell me, what sense does that make? If I knew it was going to cost me this much, I would have just kept the apartment!! I've tried to call them twice to discuss it since the corporate office knows nothing about it-- odd, don't you think? I also find it odd that the letter was sent on 12/21 but so far, no one has called me or sent me another notice. I'll pay whatever I owe, but don't think for a second I'm not going to send a friend down to knock on the door and see if the apartment has been leased!
• I have jury duty on Monday. I'm hope it's cancelled, but a day off wouldn't be awful either!

Some poeple don't care if they live or they die
Some people want to know what it feels like to fly
They gather their courage and they give it a try
And fall under the wheels of the time going by - Trapeze, Patty Griffin

Six shopping days left!

I don't know about y'all, but I am feeling some stress about finishing my Christmas shopping! With all the back and forth to C's house combined with the fact that he doesn't like shopping- well, I just haven't had time to get much at actual stores. Thank goodness for online shopping.

Some of you got an urgent email with a plea for a yummy dessert recipe. I got roped into participating in the dessert contest which is tomorrow. The only problem is that I have NEVER MADE A DESSERT! Sure, I've baked cookies, but they were never amazing. I got lots of yummy suggestions and managed to narrow it down to the Better Than Sex Cake. I made a practice one over the weekend and tested it on C's family and they approved. His grumpy dad even had two helpings! I know it's a bit over the top to "practice", but I'm the new girl and I have a reputation to establish!! I'll letcha know how I fare..

We're also having a potluck tomorrow and receiving hams. I'm bringing a seven layer dip and some chips. I've never gotten a ham before and have already told my mother it's coming straight to her house!

If you get a chance, visit the Clubhouse Concerts website and make a donation to help Miss Joni and the girls with their overhead. Better yet, find them a new sponsor! For those of you not in the know, Miss Joni started having Sunday night acoustic shows in the clubhouse of her apartment complex SEVERAL years ago. Now it's a regular event in the Stockyard's. They recently lost their sponsor that allowed them to pay for artist's rooms and the sound guy. So, if you've got an extra dollar, send it their way.

Chicago was fun and fast. Our flight was delayed about an hour leaving Dallas, but we had no other travel issues. The weather was clear in Chicago and plenty cold. They ain't kidding about it being the "Windy City"! Even though it was about the same temperature when we landed in Dallas, that blow-right-through-you wind wasn't.

C & I went to see Reckless Kelly last weekend here in Tyler at a bar called Bootlegger's. It's a new venue for the area and is a converted strip club. You couldn't see any remnants, however. It's no Adair's, but I look forward to catching more of OKOM there.

Lately, there has been a lot of prayer requests come my way. One for a friend's beautiful daughter and one for a friend's father. The Lord answers prayers and miracles happen every day. Tumors and broken hearts- that's what has been on my mind lately. Odd combination, no?

My heart is wonderfully whole and full. I am blessed beyond measure and am eternally thankful for all that I have. My friends, my family, my love-- top notch, I tell ya.

Top notch.

Hello Internet, good to see ya. It's been a long time....

I apologize for the delay. It seems the "new" AT&T was finally able to pull their heads out of their asses and get me connected. It's amazing how much you can miss something once it's gone. And by gone, I mean, GONE. So, where was I?

• Thanksgiving, aka Move Day 2007, was hell. At one point, I was sitting in a carwash bay on the side of I-20 praying for the Lord to show me something to be thankful for, which he ultimately did. Out 2.5hr trip from Dallas to Tyler, ended up being about a seven hour trip to C's carport. Maybe you saw the Cowboy's game on Thanksgiving day-- remember the snow? That's about the time we were ready to leave my apartment. The snow turned to sleet which turned to rain that lasted our entire trip. We bought tarps three different times but each time they came apart and were left on the side of various highways. I cried out of frustration to my mom over all of my belongings being ruined. But, just like He always does, the Lord heard my worries. Not one thing was ruined in the move. Hallelujah!
• I started work last Monday and I'm still lost as a goose, but I suppose that is to be expected. I really like my boss and the other ladies I work with and I look forward to the day I actually understand what it is I'm supposed to be doing.
• My drive is about 30 minutes, one way. Believe it or not, I actually like it because it gives me time to prepare for, and then decompress from my day. I get some good XM time in, too.
• For the first time in my life, I don't have to fill out a timesheet or justify my time. Finally, I am being treated like I really am in an exempt position! As long as my work is getting done, they're very flexible. It's the little things, people.
• I still don't have cable, which is a whole 'nother issue. I refuse to pay $75 a month for something I rarely watch. So, C has a plan with a spare Direct TV box he has-- we'll see if that works out. I can live with or without just about anything for six months.
• I'm an hour and a half away from C. I can't begin to tell you how great that is. We've had dinner together and sleep overs and even there and back evening visits. Last Friday, I was in my bosses office and it was pushing 5:00 and I was already anxious to get on the road. Then I realized I didn't have to fight rush hour traffic or the interstate or have the pedal to the metal for three hours. Just a winding trip east and I'm there. Give it time though, I'll soon be bitching about the "long drive".
• Gas, however, is not. The petro kind, of course. I'm already thinking about downsizing to *gulp* a CAR. Maybe something crazy like a Mini Cooper even! But, Yukon, how I love thee. We'll see.
• My apartment is pretty sad. I took my sister's awful, uncomfortable couch to my mom's so she can have it back. So, the contents of my living room include my recliner, a coffee table, an end table and an entertainment center. C's supposed to let me borrow his loveseat, though.
• Note to visitors, even though I have two bedrooms, the second bedroom is not fully functional at this time. It is a very nice sized closet though.. :) Seriously, though. My lease is only six months long and no one "visits" Tyler.
• I'm blocked on Myspace, Perez Hilton, Galleywinter and a lot of other sites probably at work. I can't see YouTube or some pictures either. I thought they were going to block my from my email, but that was enabled the next day. The temporary block was probably meant as a warning. And, to make matters worse, I have ZERO cell signal in my office. So, if you need me, and it's urgent and you don't have my work email or number- find someone who does.
• I need a haircut. And Campisi's. And some Brandon Rhyder and Walt Wilkins acoustic.
• I think I'm getting sick, or at least developing a nice sinus infection. I know I have insurance, the HR guy just hasn't had a chance to tell me anything about it or when I can expect an insurance card.
• A sinus infection should travel nicely, since I'm going to Chicago next Wednesday for a day of training on Thursday. O'Hare, people. I've heard the horror stories. And, let's not forget, Chicago. In December. *burrrr* But, it is Christmas time.. I just wish we were going to actually be in the city. We're going to be at a campus about 45 minutes north- bummer.
• C has been keeping Shiner. Yes, I paid a $300 non-refundable pet deposit only for C to say he doesn't like the looks of my neighbors and doesn't want me out after dark walking him. Plus, if C and I are going to one day cohabitate, Shiner has GOT to get used to him and get over being such a mama's boy. He's being such a good boy though and I miss him.
• I miss my friends. I have none here. No one to grab a beer with after work. No one to have lunch with- I've been eating at my desk. But, I guess those are the sacrifices I made.. and I really am happy where I am.

So, there you have it. I'm sure I left things out, so I'll try to be more timely about updating. Twenty shopping days 'til Christmas-- wow.

Phase two.. Complete.

Phase two of operation Life Change is complete. Today is my last day with the big Ernst & Young. It's good to leave on a high note, I hear. I worry about my boss being stressed out with having to deal with an inexperienced team, but that's what she gets paid for, I guess. I worry about my team members who don't know how to deal with my boss and who are intimidated by her moods. I worry about the fate of my little team without me.. not that they can't function without me, just that they won't thrive. My boss will be in meetings and they will be left to flounder and then they will receiver her wrath when she finally reviews their work. Oh well. Nothing I can do about it now.

I've been packing all week.. a little at a time. C and I plan to move me next week sometime. I've found an apartment in Tyler that I want to look at, but it won't be available until mid-December which means I'll either be staying at a motel or I'll be doing a lot of driving... probably both. I'm not looking forward to any of it, but I'll live. I'm just ready to be settled, but it'll be a while until that happens.

Monday is C's birthday. Since he didn't get me anything for our anniversary (besides our Austin trip), he's calling his guitar his birthday present. So, all he's getting on Monday is a card and some t-shirts from the Gap. I'm going to his house today and we're going to hunt all weekend. He's built two box stands and put them on two different properties, so we've even got some variety. I've never been hunting before, so I'm excited to go with him, especially since he loves it so much. I'm not buying a license, I'm just going to sit with him. Are i-pods allowed?

I can't believe it's already Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for.. I'll be thinkin' on it for another post.. especially since I'm so boring these days. I would like to say thank you to my wonderful friends for all of the kind words of encouragement and for their time and laughter and letting me vent through this stressful process. Friends are such a blessing.

So, happy Friday everyone. Happy last day of EY to me. Happy future.

let the water take me higher..

Sometimes the best words are someone else's words. The ones below popped into my head while staring at this blank screen.. I'll give you a few things of my own anyway.

• I have a second interview on Tuesday.. I'm just praying for the good Lord's will.
• I hope Texas spanks OU this weekend, though after last weekend's pitiful performance, I'm not sure I even care.
• Our weekend in Austin was wonderful. The distance is killing us.
• I'm a busy girl this week at work. I like it, even though I complain. I'll miss it if I go.
  

I'm a bundle of fear, I'm a pile of doubts
But I hope through the fear, I pray it all works out
'Cause it always does
When it rains, sometimes it floods

I'm a shot in the dark, I'm a fist in your gut
I might do something crazy, to get myself out of this rut
But when push comes down to shove
When it rains, sometimes it floods

Let the dam break down
Let the water wash over me
I don't care if I drown
If that's how it has to be
Let the water wash over me

I get out on the edge, but I come back to the middle
All points in between, of my own personal riddle
Yeah the answers they slowly come
But when it rains, sometimes it floods

It all gets lost, no matter how hard you try
Everything comes with a cost
No there ain't no way to slide
This illusion is clear as mud
When it rains, sometimes it floods

Let the dam break down
Let the water wash over me
I don't care if I drown
If that's how it has to be
Let the water wash over me

For Woodrow

I tried to post last night but blogger was being a little bitch. So, since I got up a little early this morning, why not post now instead of getting to work early?

Last Saturday, C and I fired up the grill and these (along with two chickens not pictured) are the results. Yes, the pork loin was as yummy as it looks. The jalapeno's were hot enough to give me a hint of what hell might be like and inspired me to pray more!














Sunday, we watched "Streets of Laredo" (sequel to Lonesome Dove) and Cold Mountain. That Joey Garza was one crazy mofo and Nicole Kidman has absolutely flawless skin. I'm glad Renee Z. won the Oscar.. she deserved it. Needless to say, I got my fill of killing.. and crying. Ugh.

Yesterday, I had a phone interview for a job in Jacksonville, Tx. It sounds very promising and the interview went very well. For once, my experience IS what they are looking for. I've been invited to tour the plant and will hopefully schedule that soon.

Today, our "big boss" for lack of a better word, is in town. Hopefully he can provide some insight as to what his "vision" is. It's been a long year dangling at the end of the yo-yo.

Tomorrow, C and I are heading to Austin to celebrate our one year anniversary. I'm looking forward to it, mainly just to get out of town. Sweet Dawn is keeping my Shiner for me. I know he'll be in great hands, but I sure will miss the little fella!

Cryptic thought for today:
Some things, no matter what is said or how many times it is addressed, never seem to dissapate. Some things don't have a solution, you just learn to live with it, adjust your life and move on. These same things may surely be the death of me.

For what it's worth

This week at work, I've been especially detached. I doodle and waste time online and avoid work. I can't focus, all I want to do is not be there. We had a meeting- the 18 of us left in the office. It was billed as an "update", but it was far from it. Basically, my boss's boss shared that he doesn't know anything. He doesn't know what the future holds for us. When asked specific questions, his answer was, "I don't really know." His boss is coming down from New Jersey at the end of the month to "share his vision for the future" and an org chart which hopefully will tell us where we fit into this new organization. I realized while sitting in that meeting, that I really had no desire to go further with this company. It's a great company- but my office, and my tasks are not. We no longer have a strong leader willing to fight for us, but rather someone who is happy to wait to be told what to do. He has been in India for the better part of eight months, but has been back in the office for three weeks now. In that time, he hasn't pursued the "pages" of questions he has for his boss regarding his new role and hasn't provided us any direction in his absence. He wants us to all get along, to communicate and be open with one another- and his openness says "I know nothing". I don't function well with that and, judging by the number of people looking and interviewing, neither do a lot of us. When you only have 18 people in an office and even two leave- that leaves a pretty sizable hole.

So, I've spent the better part of the last hour online, scouring job sites for something a little closer to my heart. It was a fruitless search. I'm trying to remain positive and hopeful, but the truth is, I'm no longer certain something will arise. Perhaps it's time for me to take a risk and take my life back. But how? With what?


On a happier, er, stranger note- Each time I visited http://www.weather.com/ today at work, I got directed to the "Wedding Weather" page. I took a screenshot and sent it to C and we laughed about it, but still.. very strange. I delete my temporary files and clear my cookies every night. I wonder if it's a sign...

interview

Initially, when I spoke with the lady who did my phone screen, I was told there was a tax position, an audit position and a "client services" (bookkeeping) position. The lady I spoke to used to be an auditor (on the client side, not what I do) in Dallas, so I was certain she could make the distinction between what I do and what she did.

Obviously not.

I walked in and she told me I could be meeting with the Manager of the Client Services group. I knew immediately that I didn't have the education and/or qualifications he wanted. So, I played the game and answered his questions (no, no, no, no) and told him I wasn't what he needed. He agreed and I left. Another waste of an afternoon.

I got another call from some company in Houston who was interested in my soley because of my experience with a Big 4 firm. Ridiculous. Too bad I don't want to move to Houston or she probably would have made me an offer on the spot.

On the way home, I talked to C about the opportunities that were available for me out here. They're very limited, obviously, which is a HUGE frustration. But, "something will turn up". And, I believe that and I pray for it- for my own sanity.

So, thank you all for the well wishes. I'm sorry the update isn't more joyful, but at this moment I'm beat down. But, I have to keep reminding myself, I did get a promotion which is more than I had at the beginning of the week.

Announcement and an "Oh Shit!"

Remember I have an interview tomorrow in Tyler?

Well,

I JUST GOT A PROMOTION!

Granted, the money doesn't kick in til October, but SHIT! I seriously need to have a talk with my boss about working from home and coming in to the office one or two days a week. Somebody has a couch I can sleep on, right?

Oh, and I have to tell y'all because I can't tell anyone else because the announcement isn't til tomorrow and I won't be here. Go me!

quick update

Thanks to all the good thoughts, I have a job interview next Friday at 3:00 in Tyler. Yay me!

File under: I hope the gas isn't toxic

Round two. We can feel the explosions in our building.

Several explosions and a large fire rocked an industrial area near downtown Dallas Wednesday morning.

The business, Southwest Industrial Gases, Inc., is believed to be a welding supply company. It went up in flames at about 9:30 a.m.

Several tanks of material believed to be fuel could be seen exploding and throwing large pieces of shrapnel throughout the area.

The scene was located near the I-30 and I-35 interchange, and both highways were shut down in the area.

Police were evacuating within a half-mile radius of the blasts.

There was no word on any injuries as of 10:00 a.m.

UPDATE: We're being evacuated now. They can't determine the toxicity of the air and the radius is now being extended to one mile, which includes my office.

UPDATE 07.26.07: All is well. The roads and our office is back open. Bummer.

File under: I hope the blast won't reach the 20th floor.

Holy Land Foundation trial

This is happening directly across the street from my building (and out my window). There appears to be some protesters (or supporters) with signs, television crews and a myriad of police. Earlier there were unmarked cars parked about a block away. Niiiiiice.