For Woodrow

I tried to post last night but blogger was being a little bitch. So, since I got up a little early this morning, why not post now instead of getting to work early?

Last Saturday, C and I fired up the grill and these (along with two chickens not pictured) are the results. Yes, the pork loin was as yummy as it looks. The jalapeno's were hot enough to give me a hint of what hell might be like and inspired me to pray more!

Sunday, we watched "Streets of Laredo" (sequel to Lonesome Dove) and Cold Mountain. That Joey Garza was one crazy mofo and Nicole Kidman has absolutely flawless skin. I'm glad Renee Z. won the Oscar.. she deserved it. Needless to say, I got my fill of killing.. and crying. Ugh.

Yesterday, I had a phone interview for a job in Jacksonville, Tx. It sounds very promising and the interview went very well. For once, my experience IS what they are looking for. I've been invited to tour the plant and will hopefully schedule that soon.

Today, our "big boss" for lack of a better word, is in town. Hopefully he can provide some insight as to what his "vision" is. It's been a long year dangling at the end of the yo-yo.

Tomorrow, C and I are heading to Austin to celebrate our one year anniversary. I'm looking forward to it, mainly just to get out of town. Sweet Dawn is keeping my Shiner for me. I know he'll be in great hands, but I sure will miss the little fella!

Cryptic thought for today:
Some things, no matter what is said or how many times it is addressed, never seem to dissapate. Some things don't have a solution, you just learn to live with it, adjust your life and move on. These same things may surely be the death of me.


Something like it..

Every so often, I get in one of those "life is too short" kind of moods. Life is too short to be sitting in this office. Life is too short not to enjoy a beautiful day. Life is too short to live where you are no longer happy or be away from those you long for. The reality is that I'm trying to rectify the situation, but really. That saying "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" is true. C and I have been together just shy of one year and for at least half that time, I've been trying to move closer to him. What I wouldn't give to just pick up and move somewhere new- maybe Colorado or Wyoming - even though I swore I'd never leave Texas again. Maybe the hill country where my heart is happiest. But I'm too rational to do that. I tried it once and it didn't suit me. I worry to much about how to pay my next bill or money for "the future". 401-k and insurance and all that bs that is instilled as important at a young age.

I wish I had a little more gypsy and a little less "by the books".
I wish I had more heart and less head.
I wish I had the means and the guts to do what I really want to do.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
Here's to precious time, making changes for the right reasons and happiness. May we all find some.


For what it's worth

This week at work, I've been especially detached. I doodle and waste time online and avoid work. I can't focus, all I want to do is not be there. We had a meeting- the 18 of us left in the office. It was billed as an "update", but it was far from it. Basically, my boss's boss shared that he doesn't know anything. He doesn't know what the future holds for us. When asked specific questions, his answer was, "I don't really know." His boss is coming down from New Jersey at the end of the month to "share his vision for the future" and an org chart which hopefully will tell us where we fit into this new organization. I realized while sitting in that meeting, that I really had no desire to go further with this company. It's a great company- but my office, and my tasks are not. We no longer have a strong leader willing to fight for us, but rather someone who is happy to wait to be told what to do. He has been in India for the better part of eight months, but has been back in the office for three weeks now. In that time, he hasn't pursued the "pages" of questions he has for his boss regarding his new role and hasn't provided us any direction in his absence. He wants us to all get along, to communicate and be open with one another- and his openness says "I know nothing". I don't function well with that and, judging by the number of people looking and interviewing, neither do a lot of us. When you only have 18 people in an office and even two leave- that leaves a pretty sizable hole.

So, I've spent the better part of the last hour online, scouring job sites for something a little closer to my heart. It was a fruitless search. I'm trying to remain positive and hopeful, but the truth is, I'm no longer certain something will arise. Perhaps it's time for me to take a risk and take my life back. But how? With what?

On a happier, er, stranger note- Each time I visited http://www.weather.com/ today at work, I got directed to the "Wedding Weather" page. I took a screenshot and sent it to C and we laughed about it, but still.. very strange. I delete my temporary files and clear my cookies every night. I wonder if it's a sign...


Life's a Garden.. Dig It.

Ahhh.. what a great weekend. Since I had Friday off, I drove to my sweet baby's arms Thursday night. He had to work on Friday, so I met his stepmom for lunch and shopping in the small town. It was nice to spend some time with her.. I hope she and I can have a great friendship. I really like her. Friday night we went out to eat for our anniversary and then I fell asleep on the couch by 10:00.. go me! Saturday was the opening of Dove season, so he and I both left around noon and took off in separate directions. I really, really, really hate leaving him. Have I said that lately?

Saturday night, my second weekend began. I met some of my best girls in Ft. Worth and we partied down. I got home later than I should and woke up bright and early (9:30), ready to do it all over again. We went to the Red Dirt Roundup in the Stockyards. Normally, I loathe big festival, all day concerts. But this one wasn't as bad for three reasons. One, it was Erica's birthday and I sure do love that girl. Two, I needed to catch up with my girls for some proverbial "girl time". Three, we had VIP tickets which allowed us to sit in a tent with fans and misters. We had our own bar in there and it was in the middle of both stages. Now, that's the way to do it. As V and I said, "We know what they look like" and I happily parked my ass only leaving for turkey legs and the potty.

Sunday was Pickin' for Preemies. What a wonderful event that Mr. Frazell organizes to raise money (about $20k this year) for the March of Dimes. He and his wife just had their second preemie and man was that little toot cute. I told her that his butt probably didn't even have a split in it when he was born-- just like a tadpole! Last year it was in Dallas, just minutes from my house and this year it was at the Glass Cactus at the Gaylord Texan Resort. As pretentious as that place is, it turned out to be a wonderful day. I have tons of pictures (that I didn't take), but I haven't gone through them yet.

Now's the part where I name names. I should offer up a disclaimer and say these thoughts are my own and do not represent anyone else's.

The first set began with Walt Wilkins singing Poetry. If you've never seen Walt- GO. He's a wonderfully peaceful, spiritual and poetic man. His very presence is powerful, yet soothing all at once. Poetry was a fitting song for the event and brought tears to more than one eye.

Third was Ryan Bingham and the cool cat he is. I've been going to see Ryan for many years and I'm thrilled he's finally drawing the crowd he deserves. He wins over new fans at every show- I highly recommend him, too. Ryan's a storyteller-- and they're not necessarily happy stories or politically correct stories- they are his story and that's what makes them so amazing. The thing about him is that he has lived every. single. word. He's a gypsy and I could listen to his words for hours upon hours.

The last guy in the first set was Mr. Adam Hood of Opelika, Alabama. I love Adam and the way he says my name, Sayra. His is a soulful song with a new twang that is welcome in a scene full of so many posers. Adam always has a smile, a hug and a hand shake. It's refreshing.

You may notice I skipped #2-- Darren Kozelsky. I did it for a reason, because I don't feel he belongs. That probably won't sit well with many folks, but it takes more than a big shiny tour bus to impress me. Darren's a great guy, very genuine and nice- I just don't have much else to say. Each time I see him in a songwriter setting, he's out played and out sung with every effort. Just my opinion, however.

I missed all of the second set as I'm not much for the twangy, redneck country that is Kevin Fowler and the others in that set. Sue me.

The third set... man, oh man. Randy Rogers, Radney Foster, Brandon Rhyder and Josh Grider. Sweet Jesus come to earth, that set was amazing. It was my first time to see Radney, which has been on my list of things to do for a LONG time, and his brief four songs only got my mouth watering for more. Radney produced Randy's last record and is producing Brandon's next record. It was so cool to see his reaction to their new stuff and to Josh's songs.. It was an amazing, amazing set. The show could've been over right then and I would've been a darn happy girl.

Last set was Wade Bowen, Cody Canada (of Cross Canadian Ragweed), Stoney Larue, and Jason Boland. Wade was great. He's serious, for lack of a better word. He's serious about his music, about the art of it all and serious about respect. And I love him for it. Boland on the other end, he too seemed to be in a rather introverted mood. He's looking kinda scrawny these days, but so healthy and happy. I love this Jason. Cody and Stoney-- man, they came to cut up! Those boys, all tatted up, played and picked and told stories on and about each other. It was such fun to watch them having so much fun together, since three of the four honed their craft up in Stillwater. I can't really explain why I was a tad disappointed by this set.. I just was.

Last night I went to bed at 9:30 and if I have my way I'll do it again tonight. I'm still recovering from my weekend and getting back in the swing of things.

I don't care what anyone says, I just don't have a dog in that race anymore.