Real Quick

• St. Paddy's day was a hit. See the adorableness below. (Thanks for the outfit, Aunt Heather!)
  
• Also, I love my baby in BabyLegs. His dad thinks they're ridiculous and that he looks like Baby Flashdance, but whatevs.
• My house is in remodel hell-- actually that will be tomorrow when I'm driven from the confines of my living room so I can get real walls put up. (Drywall instead of awful painted PANELING)
• I go back to work Monday. No, I don't want to talk about it.
• Pollen sucks.
  
• I took my nephew's senior pictures last Sunday- he showed up with a hickey on his neck. AWESOME. Thank goodness for photoshop.
  

Here are pictures to illustrate my post. (Please note these are the only ones I've been able to edit and probably aren't the best I have)

Exhaustion, Tummy Time and a haircut - 9 weeks

Six Weeks- a Milestone

• Is this my kid or what? Those that know me have certainly seen that SCOWL before! As evidenced, the kid has my frown. And his father gets a giggle out of it every time he sees it.

• Thanks to the Halo SleepSack, we went from waking up every two hours to only one time per night. It's a miracle, I say. I only wish we would've started using it sooner! (Thanks MMJ- the BEST find!!)

• He's also learned to smile. The pictures are a little fuzzy but it's because I was trying to take pictures really fast before he screamed.


• Check out his new chair-- thanks Josh! It's super plush and plays some great tunes. (Plus it vibrates, which I think feels good you know where!)
  
• As of 5 weeks 6 days, he weighed 8lbs 10 oz. He gained a POUND in two weeks! Go me!
• Some ladies from my mom's church threw me a diaper/gift card shower yesterday. Girls- that is the way to GO! We got so many diapers (which are so expensive), so if you're having more than one shower- make one a diaper shower! It's awesome. Hopefully we'll be graduating to size 1 soon (out of Newborns).
  
• He's got the cutest thighs (ham hocks) and fat belly - he looks like a little drunk man... see?
  

These are the days of our lives...

Just a couple of pictures... Lil' in his puppy dog jacket (size newborn that finally fits) and a decent one with me. At least I had on makeup!

Now with real sentences!

I figure I should take advantage of this quiet time.

My son is 19 days old today. Every day I figure up how old he is and mourn the previous day of his life because he'll never be that age again. Seriously, it's heartbreaking how fast he's growing up. In grown up time, these past 19 days feel like they've crawled but in baby time- in the time he's now awake and more alert- time is flying.

So much has happened, I don't know how I'll ever be able to write about it all. Let me start with the bad. From what I've heard, the first two weeks are the hardest and we get a pass on the first week. Picking up where I left off, we continued the trek back and forth to our pediatrician every single day of his first week of life. Including Saturday. And on each and every one of those days, his foot was pricked to draw blood for his jaundice and he was weighed. Each day, he lost more weight and the supplements went up (though his jaundice was getting better). We were force feeding this child and he still wasn't putting on weight. By Saturday, I was hysterical. Not only hormonal and sleep deprived, but I felt like a failure of a mother. I'm supposed to be able to care for my child- hell, my only job is to keep him alive- and I was failing. C did his best to tell me I wasn't a failure, but I couldn't help the way I felt. That day, we saw another pedi in the practice who received the brunt of my feelings via tears. When C walked into that room and told me he'd lost another ounce, I lost it. Soon after, the doctor came in, startled to see a parent in tears before he'd even said hello. My feelings of failure soon turned to rage because, after looking at Carter's data, and verifying he'd been on "phototherapy" since Wednesday for his jaundice, he said the following. "I can see that you're obviously frustrated with this situation, but I really wouldn't expect him to gain any weight while on phototherapy since it kind of dehydrates them. You're maintaining and that's what I'd expect to see."

Uhh. WHAT? No one had shared that little tidbit. So, here we've been browbeaten over his weight loss every single day for a week and NOW we hear this? Seriously. Rage doesn't even begin to cover it. I was pissed at my young-ass pediatrician and I was pissed at the "lactation consultant" who wasn't helping us but more alerting the media with every loss. (We'd later learn she wasn't even a real lactation consultant but a WIC counselor with a breastfeeding lesson.

So, I did what any other insane mother would do. I looked elsewhere for help. Monday morning, I called the Lactation Center at the hospital.

I need to back up for a minute because I haven't addressed this issue yet. While we were in the hospital, one of the lactation consultants came to visit us to see how we were doing. She immediately showed concern over his "tongue-tie". This isn't our child, but it's exactly what his tongue looked like.



See the heart shape? Carter couldn't even stick his tongue our past his lower gumline, much less breastfeed properly. When I discussed this with out pedi when he came to check Carter in the hospital, he didn't seem concerned and said most kids are able to cope just fine. Even the other pedi we saw said, "Those ladies (at the lactation center) like to make a big deal about it, but it's usually nothing."



WRONG. FAIL.


So, when I called to make an appointment with the lactation center, they were of course, happy to see us. When we made it apparent that we had researched tongue-tie and the procedure to clip the membrane and that we wanted it done, they were over joyed. So happy in fact, they called a pediatrician-type on duty at the hospital and had it clipped right then and there in their cubby hole of an office. There were maybe three drops of blood, one scream and he was brought straight to me to breastfeed.

Let me just say, there was a night and day difference. Suddenly, this child can eat! This whole time it wasn't me not providing enough, it was his poor, heart shaped little tongue not allowing him to eat! Not only had the stubborn doctors effected my child, but my milk supply was almost non-existent due to the lack of demand. So, I immediately went on herbs and teas to hopefully boost it. Wouldn't that just be ironic for him to finally be able to eat and me have nothing to give him? But alas, all was not lost. That was done last Monday. By Wednesday, he'd gained an ounce. By Friday, he was up three ounces. Yesterday, we went back to that damned pediatrician for his two week well baby appointment and he was up another 3.5 ounces bringing his weight to 6lbs 15.5oz. Can we just call that 7 pounds and get a hallelujah?!!

There is certainly something to be said for taking control of a situation and finding another way. I'm usually a pretty big pushover, but I can honestly say, this was the first best decision I'd made for my child, damning the consequences. My child will have fat rolls in no time... just weight and see.

So, that's been my life for the past 19 days. Eating every 2 hours, supplementing with formula via fingers and tubes to now, finally gaining weight. I'm not even complaining about the lack of sleep or the screaming during diaper changes and I'm not complaining about being confined to this house. My child is thriving and for that, I'm the happiest mom in the world. Now if you'll excuse me, my baby is hungry!












You can see where his frenulum (the membrane we cut) used to be attached. To me, a crying baby never looked so good.

My "imprint".

I promise to post something with real words and complete sentences. I promise. But for now...

The way I find myself loving you is the best thing I've ever done

He's here!

If you haven't heard, our baby boy made his early debut on Saturday, 01/03/09. Carter weighed 7lbs and 6 oz and was 20" long. He's actually 19.25" long, but who's counting? Perfect is perfect. Because he was breech, we had a c-section scheduled for 01/13, but he had other plans since my water broke Saturday morning about 8am and he was delivered (via c-section) at 11:28am. I guess the doctor on call had plans for the day because no one wasted any time (which I appreciated). I was having mild contractions by the time we arrived at the hospital, but nothing too painful. I never knew how a person could fall so completely in love with a tiny little creature in a split second, but that's exactly what happened the moment I heard his first cry. Sight unseen, I knew we'd made perfection. As for his head, it was 14.5" around which elicited a "WOW!" from my doctor when she came to see us on Monday. She was out of town (on a cruise) for the delivery. Of course, he looks nothing like Cartman (from Southpark) or Hoss Cartright (Bonanza).

We were released to come home on Monday and have been on a whirlwind ride ever since. When we left the hospital, his weight was 6lbs 14 oz, but no one was concerned since some weight loss is normal. By Tuesday at the pediatrician visit, he weighed 6lbs 9oz which was past our allotted loss of 10% of his birth weight. I'm nursing, but my milk had just started to come in yesterday, so we had a visit with an awesome lactation consultant and received some formula to supplement with at every other feeding. Needless to say, I was NOT happy about the formula since I had grand plans of exclusively breastfeeding (Since I'm built for it!). The nurse showed us how to "finger feed" which means Carter sucks on our pinky finger while we squirt formula into his mouth via a syringe. Therefore, he's sucking and getting milk all at the same time with no confusion-- other than how Dad's finger makes milk.... ;-) So far it's working great. We go back for a weight check this afternoon, so we're praying he's gained something. We're feeding every two hours and supplementing with formula (on top of breastmilk) at every other feeding. I'm sure this is way more information than anyone cares about, but I'm pretty impressed with how we're doing.

Also at our visit yesterday, the doctor checked his bilirubin levels for jaundice. He called mid-afternoon to let us know that his levels were too high for his comfort and that he would arrange for a "blanket" to be brought out to us. It kind of ticked me off because that was the first I'd heard that he could be jaundiced-- everything up until then was "within normal levels" and was nothing to worry about. So, we went from "normal" to jaundiced. We had the "blanket" delivered and promptly put poor Carter in the contraption. It's hardly a blanket and is more like a belt that wraps around his mid-section that emits UV light. We're "killing the bad billy's" no matter how uncomfortable it is. Clint and I took turns sleeping with him in the living room- either on the floor or in a chair-- which made for a long night. We survived though and are hopeful that we don't have many more days of this treatment. It's for the best though, I just feel so sorry for the poor little toot.

As for me, the recovery from the c-section has been fairly easy. Sure, I'm sore but nothing like I anticipated. I was up and walking the day after delivery and the nurses were astounded that I was standing up straight and getting around so well. I didn't realize there was another option. It's only gotten better. I can tell when it's time for more pain meds, but they're pretty low grade and just take the edge off the pain so I can get around easier. My staples are being removed this afternoon, so I'll no longer have a smiley face with braces in my lower abdomen!

All in all, it's been a tiring, awe inspiring few days. We're trying to catch naps here and there but there's just so much to do. It's hard to believe he's only four days old and already I can't remember life without him. I'll try to send pictures out regularly, so let me know if you get sick of seeing our kid. Oddly enough, we can't take our eyes off of him. I'm sure I'm leaving out important details, but this is the important stuff. Thank you for the calls, texts, good thoughts and prayers. Keep them up- we're total newbies at this parenting gig, after all!

2008: A Retrospective

I'm not entirely sure I used "retrospective" correctly in the title, but I'm all for throwing around big words like I know what I'm talking about.

Overall, 2008 has been, by far, the best year of my life. Let's face it, I pretty much hit the trifecta of all trifectas. To review: In May, I found out the love of my life and I had reproduced a mini-us. Since I think C is darn near perfect and he likes me alright I suppose, the idea of bringing a baby- OUR baby- into this world has brought us more excitement and confusion and fear and love, love, love than two people should be allowed. In July, we bought our first house. I'm pretty sure it will forever be a work in progress, but it's our home. In October, we joined our hearts forever in marriage. Better late than never, though I really couldn't have imagined it any other way. Except for maybe being several pounds lighter, but sometimes life just doesn't give you everything.

The thought of all we've achieved in 12 short months makes my head spin- but in the I've-sucked-too-much-helium-and-I'm-not-sure-my-feet-are-still-on-the-ground kind of way. I've been trying to sit and reflect on it all, but it never fails that my brain shifts to something I need to do right that very second. I've never been very good at reflecting.

Sure, there have been valleys mixed in with our mountain tops, but I have faith that this man of mine and I can get through just about anything. Faith is a very important thing to me. I have faith that I will figure a way to be a good mother and wife. I have faith that though I may not be Betty Crocker, I'm finding my way around the kitchen- I just needed a second.

I have wonderful girlfriends who have been next to me through this wild ride of 2008, too. These girls have calmed my nerves, been my lifeline and my biggest cheerleaders. I hate the miles between us and even though we may not talk as much as we used to, I know they're only a phone call away. And they know the same goes for me... basketball belly and all.

And so, 2008 ends. The coming of a new year always excites me because it's a chance at change- out with the old and in with the new. I can't imagine topping 2008, but I have a feeling 2009 just might give it a run for its money.

Happy New Year, Internet.

Sidebar

It kind of pisses me off that the baby over in my sidebar is just happily spinning around at 13 days til birth. C'mon people! Let's face some reality, shall we? Ain't shit spinning in my belly right now except the butterflies!

The Night's Just Right

I thought, for once in the recent past, I'd actually write without having a doctor's appointment prompting me with news. Not counting today or the day of, my son will be here in 13 days. Lucky number 13, forever yo. My coworker said, "But what if his birthday ever falls on a Friday?!" Eh, it'll make him tough.

Lately my response to people telling me not to do something has been, "What's it going to do- make him come out?" At this point, it would be emergency surgery, but what I wouldn't give to have my hips back. It almost ticks me off that I'm going through all this "natural" childbirth pain- the normal stuff that happens to everyone- for naught. I've been lamenting to C about not being able to hold a 27 hour labor over his head, but I guess having a scar is just about as good. If "good" is even the right word.

The only part I'm anxious about is the surgery- just because it is major abdominal surgery and let's face it. I haven't been admitted to a hospital since I was five years old. My mother the health nazi will have me doing sit ups and walking several miles as soon as she possibly can, so I'm not too worried about the recovery. I'm a little worried about the possible harm I may do her, but that's the risk she runs.

Here's something I haven't told anyone-- we have a semi-complete nursery! We bought a crib and dresser and my beautiful bedding is all ready for my baby boy! C bought me a glider for Christmas that will be perfect for mid-night feedings and we replaced the ceiling fan. I'll take some pictures after I get the valances hung. Nothing is on the walls yet, but I'm working on it. Well, I will work on it at some point.

In all appearances, we're ready for the baby. A place for him to lay his noggin, a place to rock him, a place to change his stinky hiney, a place to swing him and a seat for him in the car. (My sister and mom bought us the carseat/stroller combo for Christmas.) And clothes- lots of precious little clothes, thanks to my dear friends. I've washed and folded just about everything I need, so now we wait.

All this talk inspired me to buy some Todd Snider. I've had some difficulty downloading it, but hopefully Amazon will be snappy in remedying my problem. I also bought Rodney Crowell's Sex and Gasoline. I guess I was feeling a little militant or something. So far, I highly approve of S&G.

I'm not doing a darn thing today and I almost feel guilty for it. I reckon it'll be ok, right? We have NO plans for NYE and I'm pretty ok with that. We'll probably buy some fireworks and try to light the world on fire. Yeehaw.

Whatever your plans are, please be safe. My hope is that all of my angels will have a kiss on NYE and a smile. Happy 2009... I'm positive it will not be boring.

37 weeks.

I saw my doc this morning. Word on the street is that I'm tentatively scheduled for a 01/13 c-section around noon. I say "tentatively" because they're going to confirm it with the hospital on Monday. It's not exactly the route I wanted to go, but since my son has chosen to be stubborn, it appears to be the way things are going to be. The baby is still breech and as of Tuesday, weighed 7lbs 13oz-- putting him on track to be a whopping 9lbs+. His head measured 41 weeks already, so even if he were to turn (which I don't anticipate), the chances of me being able (or wanting to) squeeze that giant melon out are slim.

I'm not thrilled, but it'll be fine- and probably for the best all around. She checked me for dilation, but she said I'm closed up tight. Yay. She could feel his little butt "right there" though, which explains the WONDERFUL kicks to my hoo-ha. I'm seriously waiting for a foot to pop out!

Christmas Eve and Day were great around here. This afternoon we've been playing with our new stuff, including a game camera, pressure washer and my travel system (stroller/carseat combo). I can't wait til the last one is full of baby fat!! 17 days or bust!!

36 weeks and some change...

I had another sono today to check his size since he was on track to be a 9lb baby. His head is still large-- I'll be 37 weeks on Friday and his head is measuring 41 weeks. My vagina called an audible at that news. His belly is like 39 weeks and his femur is 37 weeks-- Clint's calling him Hoss Cartwright (from Bonanza). He only weighs 7lbs 13 oz right now, though. He's not THAT big....














He's also still breech. Yay me. The sonographer said there was plenty of fluid left for him to turn, but I'm not hopeful. Apparently he rather likes having his head under my left boob. Figures. Men. Other than that though, he was perfect. My mom went to the appointment with me so the lady took a little extra time and showed her all sorts of views. We tried and tried to get a good shot of his face, but ended up only getting the cutest pouty lips and perfect little nose. The picture is frameable it's so cute! He's also a pro at breathing already. It was so cool watching his little diaphram move up and down. Oh! And hair! He's got hair!

After that we toured the hospital, which I learned is a "breastfeeding hospital" (Trinity Mother Frances). There is no nursery (they stay with mom the whole time except for baths and the circumcision) and they don't even give the babies a pacifier. They really, really want the baby to go straight to the boob- which I'm all for. She also told me about the C-section route since that was the first thing she said after I said he's still breech. "Sounds like a 'section to me". I'm ok with either, actually... I know I'll recover and I just want the baby to be healthy. I'm not scared of the surgery, but I guess I do kind of want to experience contractions and pushing and all that someday.

I see my OB on Friday to discuss the results of the sono and to have my first internal (check see if I've dialated any). I'm anticipating that she'll either schedule an induction or a c-section for after the first of the year. I hope so, anyway... I just need a plan- for my sanity, you know?

I haven't had any real contractions, I don't think. I've actually started having noticeable Braxton Hicks last night and today. I don't know how painful the real things start out as, but last nights were on the cusp of painful and came about every 10 minutes for an hour. I think I was just a little dehydrated, though.

I love the internet.

In my last post, I shared that I had won that adorable monkey onesie.


Well, today, I found out that I won this gorgeous ornament storage box via Design Mom's 12 Days of Christmas giveaway! And honestly, when I saw that they were being given away, I lusted after them, but decided that even at the sale price of $99, they were just too rich for me. I did just buy some cheap ornament storage boxes from Lowe's over the weekend, but this is so much prettier!

Also, I received my most recent cute baby purchase:


I can't wait to squeeze his big head in it.