For Woodrow

I tried to post last night but blogger was being a little bitch. So, since I got up a little early this morning, why not post now instead of getting to work early?

Last Saturday, C and I fired up the grill and these (along with two chickens not pictured) are the results. Yes, the pork loin was as yummy as it looks. The jalapeno's were hot enough to give me a hint of what hell might be like and inspired me to pray more!














Sunday, we watched "Streets of Laredo" (sequel to Lonesome Dove) and Cold Mountain. That Joey Garza was one crazy mofo and Nicole Kidman has absolutely flawless skin. I'm glad Renee Z. won the Oscar.. she deserved it. Needless to say, I got my fill of killing.. and crying. Ugh.

Yesterday, I had a phone interview for a job in Jacksonville, Tx. It sounds very promising and the interview went very well. For once, my experience IS what they are looking for. I've been invited to tour the plant and will hopefully schedule that soon.

Today, our "big boss" for lack of a better word, is in town. Hopefully he can provide some insight as to what his "vision" is. It's been a long year dangling at the end of the yo-yo.

Tomorrow, C and I are heading to Austin to celebrate our one year anniversary. I'm looking forward to it, mainly just to get out of town. Sweet Dawn is keeping my Shiner for me. I know he'll be in great hands, but I sure will miss the little fella!

Cryptic thought for today:
Some things, no matter what is said or how many times it is addressed, never seem to dissapate. Some things don't have a solution, you just learn to live with it, adjust your life and move on. These same things may surely be the death of me.

Something like it..

Every so often, I get in one of those "life is too short" kind of moods. Life is too short to be sitting in this office. Life is too short not to enjoy a beautiful day. Life is too short to live where you are no longer happy or be away from those you long for. The reality is that I'm trying to rectify the situation, but really. That saying "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" is true. C and I have been together just shy of one year and for at least half that time, I've been trying to move closer to him. What I wouldn't give to just pick up and move somewhere new- maybe Colorado or Wyoming - even though I swore I'd never leave Texas again. Maybe the hill country where my heart is happiest. But I'm too rational to do that. I tried it once and it didn't suit me. I worry to much about how to pay my next bill or money for "the future". 401-k and insurance and all that bs that is instilled as important at a young age.

I wish I had a little more gypsy and a little less "by the books".
I wish I had more heart and less head.
I wish I had the means and the guts to do what I really want to do.
I wish, I wish, I wish.
Here's to precious time, making changes for the right reasons and happiness. May we all find some.

For what it's worth

This week at work, I've been especially detached. I doodle and waste time online and avoid work. I can't focus, all I want to do is not be there. We had a meeting- the 18 of us left in the office. It was billed as an "update", but it was far from it. Basically, my boss's boss shared that he doesn't know anything. He doesn't know what the future holds for us. When asked specific questions, his answer was, "I don't really know." His boss is coming down from New Jersey at the end of the month to "share his vision for the future" and an org chart which hopefully will tell us where we fit into this new organization. I realized while sitting in that meeting, that I really had no desire to go further with this company. It's a great company- but my office, and my tasks are not. We no longer have a strong leader willing to fight for us, but rather someone who is happy to wait to be told what to do. He has been in India for the better part of eight months, but has been back in the office for three weeks now. In that time, he hasn't pursued the "pages" of questions he has for his boss regarding his new role and hasn't provided us any direction in his absence. He wants us to all get along, to communicate and be open with one another- and his openness says "I know nothing". I don't function well with that and, judging by the number of people looking and interviewing, neither do a lot of us. When you only have 18 people in an office and even two leave- that leaves a pretty sizable hole.

So, I've spent the better part of the last hour online, scouring job sites for something a little closer to my heart. It was a fruitless search. I'm trying to remain positive and hopeful, but the truth is, I'm no longer certain something will arise. Perhaps it's time for me to take a risk and take my life back. But how? With what?


On a happier, er, stranger note- Each time I visited http://www.weather.com/ today at work, I got directed to the "Wedding Weather" page. I took a screenshot and sent it to C and we laughed about it, but still.. very strange. I delete my temporary files and clear my cookies every night. I wonder if it's a sign...

Life's a Garden.. Dig It.

Ahhh.. what a great weekend. Since I had Friday off, I drove to my sweet baby's arms Thursday night. He had to work on Friday, so I met his stepmom for lunch and shopping in the small town. It was nice to spend some time with her.. I hope she and I can have a great friendship. I really like her. Friday night we went out to eat for our anniversary and then I fell asleep on the couch by 10:00.. go me! Saturday was the opening of Dove season, so he and I both left around noon and took off in separate directions. I really, really, really hate leaving him. Have I said that lately?

Saturday night, my second weekend began. I met some of my best girls in Ft. Worth and we partied down. I got home later than I should and woke up bright and early (9:30), ready to do it all over again. We went to the Red Dirt Roundup in the Stockyards. Normally, I loathe big festival, all day concerts. But this one wasn't as bad for three reasons. One, it was Erica's birthday and I sure do love that girl. Two, I needed to catch up with my girls for some proverbial "girl time". Three, we had VIP tickets which allowed us to sit in a tent with fans and misters. We had our own bar in there and it was in the middle of both stages. Now, that's the way to do it. As V and I said, "We know what they look like" and I happily parked my ass only leaving for turkey legs and the potty.

Sunday was Pickin' for Preemies. What a wonderful event that Mr. Frazell organizes to raise money (about $20k this year) for the March of Dimes. He and his wife just had their second preemie and man was that little toot cute. I told her that his butt probably didn't even have a split in it when he was born-- just like a tadpole! Last year it was in Dallas, just minutes from my house and this year it was at the Glass Cactus at the Gaylord Texan Resort. As pretentious as that place is, it turned out to be a wonderful day. I have tons of pictures (that I didn't take), but I haven't gone through them yet.

Now's the part where I name names. I should offer up a disclaimer and say these thoughts are my own and do not represent anyone else's.

The first set began with Walt Wilkins singing Poetry. If you've never seen Walt- GO. He's a wonderfully peaceful, spiritual and poetic man. His very presence is powerful, yet soothing all at once. Poetry was a fitting song for the event and brought tears to more than one eye.

Third was Ryan Bingham and the cool cat he is. I've been going to see Ryan for many years and I'm thrilled he's finally drawing the crowd he deserves. He wins over new fans at every show- I highly recommend him, too. Ryan's a storyteller-- and they're not necessarily happy stories or politically correct stories- they are his story and that's what makes them so amazing. The thing about him is that he has lived every. single. word. He's a gypsy and I could listen to his words for hours upon hours.
















The last guy in the first set was Mr. Adam Hood of Opelika, Alabama. I love Adam and the way he says my name, Sayra. His is a soulful song with a new twang that is welcome in a scene full of so many posers. Adam always has a smile, a hug and a hand shake. It's refreshing.



You may notice I skipped #2-- Darren Kozelsky. I did it for a reason, because I don't feel he belongs. That probably won't sit well with many folks, but it takes more than a big shiny tour bus to impress me. Darren's a great guy, very genuine and nice- I just don't have much else to say. Each time I see him in a songwriter setting, he's out played and out sung with every effort. Just my opinion, however.

I missed all of the second set as I'm not much for the twangy, redneck country that is Kevin Fowler and the others in that set. Sue me.

The third set... man, oh man. Randy Rogers, Radney Foster, Brandon Rhyder and Josh Grider. Sweet Jesus come to earth, that set was amazing. It was my first time to see Radney, which has been on my list of things to do for a LONG time, and his brief four songs only got my mouth watering for more. Radney produced Randy's last record and is producing Brandon's next record. It was so cool to see his reaction to their new stuff and to Josh's songs.. It was an amazing, amazing set. The show could've been over right then and I would've been a darn happy girl.








Last set was Wade Bowen, Cody Canada (of Cross Canadian Ragweed), Stoney Larue, and Jason Boland. Wade was great. He's serious, for lack of a better word. He's serious about his music, about the art of it all and serious about respect. And I love him for it. Boland on the other end, he too seemed to be in a rather introverted mood. He's looking kinda scrawny these days, but so healthy and happy. I love this Jason. Cody and Stoney-- man, they came to cut up! Those boys, all tatted up, played and picked and told stories on and about each other. It was such fun to watch them having so much fun together, since three of the four honed their craft up in Stillwater. I can't really explain why I was a tad disappointed by this set.. I just was.














Last night I went to bed at 9:30 and if I have my way I'll do it again tonight. I'm still recovering from my weekend and getting back in the swing of things.


I don't care what anyone says, I just don't have a dog in that race anymore.

This probably doesn't apply to you

Nothing angers me more than a know-it-all. Well, let me rephrase. Nothing angers me more than a know-it-all who clearly doesn't know it all or anything for that matter. A know-it-all who hops on every bandwagon who has half a spot on it. Nothing angers me more than talk with no action, or better yet, talk without substance. Talk that crawfishes when questioned, or that just talks itself in circles. It's slimy, it's gurmy and it's disrespectful. That's all I have to say about that.

But you’re not the first you know, and you won’t be the last
There’s a long list of has-beens waiting down at the pass
And when you figure it out, that I’m not white trash
They won’t let you on the train that I’m on cause it’s moving too fast

S-A-R-A

Let's do a good ol list, since it's been a while.

• No new job prospects, though I'm considering starting a little something on the side. If only I knew what that was.
• Work is work. One of my team members is making me crazy, but that's nothing new.
• This week is a short week with a long weekend. I'm going to mix a little love time and girl time and a lot of drive time. Funny how I used to road trip to shows and now I just road trip for a kiss.
• While everyone else was in Idaho, I got to see Brandon Rhyder at Billy Bob's and take some great pictures with the new camera. One of them can be seen here.
• The ex-wife from hell is getting married this weekend. While that sinks in, I'll go ahead and hit you with another whammy that is: She's only been dating him a little over three weeks. Boo-yah!
• As if that isn't enough, she's marrying one of C's customers which should make things even more interesting.
• To celebrate the news, we spent Saturday looking at rings.. and yes, I think I fell in love about half a dozen times. I need to go back and make another pass through the store though- just to make sure.
• Our eleven month anniversary is tomorrow, which means one year is just a month away. We're thinking about taking a weekend trip to celebrate, but can't decide where to go. Thoughts?

My life is boring and so is my blog. Seems I only write well when things aren't going so hot. I need to work on that, I reckon...

interview

Initially, when I spoke with the lady who did my phone screen, I was told there was a tax position, an audit position and a "client services" (bookkeeping) position. The lady I spoke to used to be an auditor (on the client side, not what I do) in Dallas, so I was certain she could make the distinction between what I do and what she did.

Obviously not.

I walked in and she told me I could be meeting with the Manager of the Client Services group. I knew immediately that I didn't have the education and/or qualifications he wanted. So, I played the game and answered his questions (no, no, no, no) and told him I wasn't what he needed. He agreed and I left. Another waste of an afternoon.

I got another call from some company in Houston who was interested in my soley because of my experience with a Big 4 firm. Ridiculous. Too bad I don't want to move to Houston or she probably would have made me an offer on the spot.

On the way home, I talked to C about the opportunities that were available for me out here. They're very limited, obviously, which is a HUGE frustration. But, "something will turn up". And, I believe that and I pray for it- for my own sanity.

So, thank you all for the well wishes. I'm sorry the update isn't more joyful, but at this moment I'm beat down. But, I have to keep reminding myself, I did get a promotion which is more than I had at the beginning of the week.

Announcement and an "Oh Shit!"

Remember I have an interview tomorrow in Tyler?

Well,

I JUST GOT A PROMOTION!

Granted, the money doesn't kick in til October, but SHIT! I seriously need to have a talk with my boss about working from home and coming in to the office one or two days a week. Somebody has a couch I can sleep on, right?

Oh, and I have to tell y'all because I can't tell anyone else because the announcement isn't til tomorrow and I won't be here. Go me!

quick update

Thanks to all the good thoughts, I have a job interview next Friday at 3:00 in Tyler. Yay me!

distraction

• I'm super excited about the new season of Tori and Dean: Inn Love . Yes, we're myspace friends. No, I don't like pugs.


• No, I'm not going to Idaho. And no, I don't want to talk about it.


• Josh Grider listening party Thursday at 7:30 on Galleywinter . The new cd will rock your socks off!


• No luck on a job yet. I have a call tomorrow though.


• Since when do weddings require dates? I figure, if you're not comfortable enough to go by yourself, maybe you should consider not going.


• Yes, I'm still in a funk over my relationship. I listened to my Joel Osteen podcasts on the way home though and felt much better though- a renewed faith. Until this evening.


• I really need to learn how to communicate effectively.


• I am not a groupie. I don't care what you or anyone else says, or even if you're joking.


• I do not like drama.


• My mother has a new bathroom and it's probably the swankest one I've ever been in. If only she'd do something about the paneling in the room joining the "beachy", tiled bathroom. "But it's pecan! It was expensive!"


• I'm tired of driving.


• I don't know how my dog got so sweet. Not a mean bone in his body, I tell ya.

Proof that beer is bigger in (East) Texas:
Jealous, aren't you?

b-side

I love how some DVDs have an "alternate ending". You know, where's there's a little twist from the regular ending that may change the whole thing. I guess movie muckety mucks make those decisions, but I always enjoy watching it.

Sometimes in life, we plan our own alternate ending. Like when you know the job you have isn't your forever job and it's just tiding you over til you get married and stay home to be barefoot and pregnant. Or maybe you're planning to go back to school and do what you really want to do. Maybe the guy you're dating is just an in-between and you know he's just getting occupying your time til someone better comes along.

Then there there are times when you an alternate ending hasn't even crossed your mind. This is ALL you've ever wanted for as long as you've wanted and the thought of not having it blows your mind. That's kind of where I am at this moment. I don't know what tomorrow holds. I know what I want, but I don't know if that's the way it will turn out and the thought of that scares me to death. I don't have a plan b, no exit strategy, no alternate ending. I've put all my eggs in one basket- I'm all in. And if it fails, I'll be heartbroken and terribly lost. Every relationship is a gamble one way or another right?

If feeling secure is how a good one is supposed to feel, why do I feel like someone just pulled the rug out from underneath me?

do-over

Some days are just a beating. Some days it's hard to smile. Some days it's easier to mope. Some days the most important thing is just remember to keep breathing.

And that some day is today.

End of an era

I discovered Pat Green in the spring of 2002. It was my last semester of college and though my friends didn't understand, roadtripping was a thing of beauty, especially when a dancehall was on the other end. I quickly met more and more people who felt the same way as me and new friends were born. It was my birth, as it were.

Tonight, the era of Pat Green came to an end for me. The PG brand sticker that I had proudly driven 1000s of miles came off. It was bittersweet remembering all those shows- all the good times. It's time, though. I haven't bought Pat's last two albums, nor do I have plans to go see him on his tour with Kenny Chesney. I have great gratitude for the musical door he opened for me, though. Pat led me to Cross Canadian Ragweed who led me to Roger Creager (if you can believe it) and Cory Morrow. From there it was a free for all. Musicians coming out of the woodwork, it seemed. An entire movement that I was lucky enough to be a part of and witness anytime I wanted.

Nacogdoches to Ruston to Dallas to Houston on to San Antone and New Braunfels for Gruene Hall. Stillwater, Fort Worth, Tulsa and Oklahoma City, Waco, Seattle and Shreveport. Abilene, Steamboat and Boise, Nashville and Challis. Can't forget Cancun.

It's been a good trip. I may be slowing down, but I'm far from out. I've got a few trips left to take. This past weekend is a perfect example. I managed to go out three nights in a row and lived to tell. Those of you who know me, know I haven't managed that feat in quite a while.

Five bands
Five cds
Three bars
Three cities
585 miles
Four tequila shots

And I did it with no arm twisting what so ever. I'd like to say "I'm back!", but let's face it. I'm worn out. I puked for pete's sake. I'm a fuddy dud and I like it.

File under: I hope the gas isn't toxic

Round two. We can feel the explosions in our building.

Several explosions and a large fire rocked an industrial area near downtown Dallas Wednesday morning.

The business, Southwest Industrial Gases, Inc., is believed to be a welding supply company. It went up in flames at about 9:30 a.m.

Several tanks of material believed to be fuel could be seen exploding and throwing large pieces of shrapnel throughout the area.

The scene was located near the I-30 and I-35 interchange, and both highways were shut down in the area.

Police were evacuating within a half-mile radius of the blasts.

There was no word on any injuries as of 10:00 a.m.

UPDATE: We're being evacuated now. They can't determine the toxicity of the air and the radius is now being extended to one mile, which includes my office.

UPDATE 07.26.07: All is well. The roads and our office is back open. Bummer.