Let's talk about Big Brother.

If you're not watching, you can stop reading now. But if you are- chime in, let's dish.

• I just want to put it out there that Jeff is hot. Also, Jordan needs to stop playing hard to get.... give the boy some sugar at least!
• I'm SO glad Russell is gone and it really makes me mad that he tried to play off his 'roid rage as a ploy to Julie. Like he was just acting.
• Michelle is SUCH a bad liar. And a klutz to boot. And her hair is really bad.
• Natalie. Natalie, natalie, natalie. She should've been gone a long time ago. Now she and Kevin are going to turn on Jeff and he won't even know what hit him. Here's to hoping he wises up. And she calls herself a tough competitor but she has YET to win ANYTHING. She's just a coat-tail rider.
• Now that Kevin is HOH (seriously, Jordan- how 'bout some EFFORT in the HOH competition), I'm sure Natalie and Michelle will be even further up his ass. Ugh. I liked Kevin... til he teamed up with stupid Natalie.
• And what the hell was up with those PINK pants Jessie was wearing in the Jury House?

Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments!

These crack me up.

Originally read here but edited.

Random thoughts from people 25-35 years old..

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

-That's enough, Nickelback.

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (Unless you puke on them- hello Idaho!)

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Let's get it started.

• I like to give credit where credit is due, so I'm giving credit for that picture of me in the previous post to my wonderful husband. Everytime I see it, I'm so thankful for his skills in near beheading.
• I've got two new blogs for you. If you're not reading them, you suck. Not really, but I just discovered them in all the BlogHer hoopla and regret not finding them sooner. Here they are: BHJ and HerBadMother . Such breathtaking talent, these two.
• My son pulled an all-nighter last night and left his father and I with only three measly hours of sleep. Sleep, wake, scream, repeat. Awesome.
• Maybe it's the teeth. Maybe it's his congestion which kept him from his noodle (pacifier). Maybe he was just ready to wild rumpus til six seven in the morn'. In any case, I'm tired.
• I'm now a Scentsy consultant. If you don't know what that is, they're "wickless candles" that come in delicious flavors and warmers sized for your home to your office to your car. Give it a look and take a chance! If you don't like the flavor you get, I'll exchange it for something else. (I can't tell you how long I'll do that, but for now, in the beginning, that's how it's gonna be. I aim for complete customer satisfaction.) Everything in the current Spring/Summer catalog is 10% to make way for the Fall/Winter catalog, available September 1. There are manly scents too, W.... like "Hemingway".
• Consider Scentsy, a first step towards conquering fears.
• Dude, I got a Dyson. It's sad when the highlight of my weekend involves a new vacuum. But man, it's sexy.
• C and I are SO into Big Brother this year. I may have a slight crush on Jeff (along with the rest of America). Wasn't last night's episode hilarious with Chima, Natalie and Lydia CRYING over Jessie like he was DEAD? Geez. Get a grip, girls. Also, adios Chima, you crazy heifer.
• Two cheers for the Rangers taking the lead in the AL Wildcard spot! Neftali Feliz is my new favorite pitcher to watch-- he brings the crowd ALIVE with his 100mph tosses.
• I've officially lost 10lbs and am wearing pants I'd forgotten about which are currently a little baggy. Rock. On.

Nobody's gettin' any younger...

Last weekend, we went to Baton Rouge for my brother-in-law's graduation from LSU. I wasn't really looking forward to the trip because 5+ hours in a car with a seven month old sounded more like torture than fun. But, turns out I had nothing to worry about. We kept his belly full, which in turn made him sleep- imagine that! It works the same way with me! In any case, it was a successful trip, complete with a dip in the hotel pool. He also fell asleep during graduation and on the sweaty walk back to the car- see?



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Remember when I said he had four teeth? Scratch that, there are six now. Well, technically five, with a sixth making my life a LIVING HELL until it comes through. He really is a great baby, even when teething, but damn those little teeth make him cranky. And me, since I haven't slept through the night in a couple of weeks either.

We tried YoBaby yogurt the other night and I thought he was going to leap from his Bumbo chair and attack me. I couldn't load the spoon quick enough for him which resulted in him yelling at me with his mouth open like my very own baby bird.

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Lately I've been noticing just how much I let fear control my life. Just about any idea I have gets pushed to the side in a "someday" file. Why not today? Because I'm scared. Everyone knows that taking the first step is the hardest part, yet it's always the most rewarding because it's a step towards something wanted. When did I become such a scaredy cat? When did my I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR voice turn into a kitten's meow? I'm really starting to get disgusted with myself about it, too. But then, I'm too scared to do anything about it so I might as well just get over it, right?

Wrong.

Diapers.com Coupon Code

I don't know why I haven't been using diaper.com all along. It's so much cheaper than Walmart or Target and if you spend $49 or more, shipping is free and usually arrives in 2 days via UPS. All it requires is a little planning ahead... surely I can manage that, right? When I registered, they gave me a code (SSBA9569) to share- $10 off your first order of diapers. Enjoy!

Blink- seven months

I don't have time for words right now, but I'm sure these will be a perfectly acceptable replacement.

TEETH! (And not just those two, either... there are two on the top, as well.

Look! Twice in one week!

Still no pictures though.

Bye! See ya, next time! Also, boob talk ahead. Repeat, boob talk ahead. If you are feeling anxious, dizzy or lightheaded please proceed to the nearest exit.


So, remember when I said I had a LASIK evaluation this week? Ohhhh man. I don't even have an expression to effectively communicate what a CLUSTER that was.

I took an entire afternoon off for it. I drove 45 minutes (one way) out of my way for it. And then, I cried all my makeup off after it.

Enough. Here it is.

Turns out, you can't have Lasik if you're pregnant or breastfeeding. No one asked and I honestly didn't think the two had anything to do with each other, so I didn't volunteer it until halfway through the exam when the nurse asked. I assume the only reason she asked is because I mentioned I have a six month old and "GAWD, I can't WAIT to see how bad his eyes will be". Anyway, something about hormones (isn't it ALWAYS about hormones?) affecting your vision and the thickness of your cornea and blah, blah, blah. I'm good with that. Fine as wine in the summertime with it actually. I've been dealing with supply issues from being sick anyway, so why complicate matters by adding steriod drops and valium to the mix?

What I'm not ok with is being completely disrespected for my choice in feeding my child. By a VERY well known doctor- a professional - who couldn't even say the word "breastfeeding". Instead, he referred to it as "that" and, get this, he looked at my boobs everytime he said it. SERIOUSLY.

Here's how it went:

So! We're breastfeeding! I don't know what your timeline is for stopping "that" *glance at boobs*, but I think it's best if we wait to do the procedure when you're done... with "that" *glance at boobs*. I mean, you're going to have to put drops in your eyes every hour and well, it's just not really condusive to doing "that"*glance at boobs*. You're an excellent candidate though and as soon as you're finished with "that" *glance at boobs*, we'll be happy to get you set up for a procedure.

Yeah. He really said and did "that" *glance at boobs*. I've never been so uncomfortable and felt so disrespected in my entire life. Between he and several (female) nurses, everyone in the place knew I WAS BREASTFEEDING. But, we can't discuss it like normal people- noooooooo. We have to loudly whisper about it so people won't hear. We have to ask repeatedly, "You don't know when you're going to quit?" Because it's dirty, right? Feeding my child naturally the way women have done it since the BEGINNING OF TIME*?

I believe my mother said it best: Clearly, his wife never breastfed any of his children... if he even has any.

Ooooh. Burn, Gayle. BURN.



*Please note that I don't care how you choose to feed your child- this is just what I'm doing.

Fruit Salad

You know when you haven't written anything in a while and you think, "I really need to update that thing" but then the baby shits and your husband has reports to work on and you find yourself doing the 100 other things that need doing instead? Yeah. That's where I've been. Doing other stuff.

Other stuff that does not include taking pictures of my child. So, for those who only care about the pictures, you can leave now. He's still cute, you'll just have to take my word for it. I'm a bad, lazy mommy who hasn't documented his six month of life for crap.

Since my last confession:

• Carter has cut yet another tooth. On the top this time. What? Slow the eff down, son.
• He's also sitting. Albeit wobbly- it's definetly a sit. Seriously. Slow the eff down.
• He sat so good yesterday that I let him fall over without catching him and misjudged where his melon would land which resulted in a thud on the not so padded part of the pallet followed by a scream. Followed by a "DO I NEED TO TAKE MY CHILD AWAY FROM YOU WOMAN?"
• I also tried my hand at making baby food yesterday. The faces said it all and what they said was "This shit is disgusting. If you don't watch it, I'll make you wear it again, lady." Yes, I said, "again".
• My nomination for mommy of the year has been revoked.
• I got sick last weekend. Friday night I was pretty sure I was going to die. Saturday, I knew I was. I finally got to the doctor on Tuesday with symptoms completely different from Friday. Two shots fixed my fever... and effectively KILLED my milk supply.
• So now I'm dealing with that.
• But one thing I'm not dealing with is a sick kid. GO ME and my magic milk.
• I joined Weight Watchers. So far, I'm down 6.2 lbs. The sickness booster worked. Too bad my appetite is back with a vengance.
• Tomorrow is my Lasik evaluation. I'm all grow'd up and not scared of the laser now, Ma.
• In addition, my son bit me with his new fangled teeth. Dammit it hurt. I cried, I'm not going to lie. Now I nurse in anticipation.
• Did you know nipples could turn purple?

I know no one wants to hear about my perils of breastfeeding. I get it. Most of my (5) readers don't even have children. But, it's my life and thus, I'm writing about it. Believe me, it's only the tip of the iceburg so consider yourselves lucky.

Teeth!

I had to get opinions from my favorite online community, but I think I can officially say that Carter is the proud owner of two bottom teeth! He's stubborn about showing them, mainly because to him, any finger in his mouth is for sucking. But, I can feel two little sharp edges and catch glimpses of two "tooth holes". My favorite lady from daycare even commented on them today when I called to check on him. "Umm, do you know your baby has TEETH?" "Yep... he can't manage to sit up on his own, but he sure knows how to grow some teeth." She thinks top teeth will follow soon after.

You know what this means, right? It's time to have another baby because mine is growing up.

Calling all Rangers Fans!

Just click "VOTE" below to send my favorite, Ian Kinsler to the big show! (Woodrow, I'm looking at YOU.) Vote for Kinsler as many times as you can between now and Thursday, July 9 at 3:00 p.m. CT and you will be automatically registered for a chance to win a suite for a Red Sox vs. Rangers game, or a three-pack of bats autographed by Ian, Michael Young and Josh Hamilton.

Happy Independence Day!!

State of the Tater Bug

• Monday was Carter's six month check up and shots. He weighed in at 17lbs (46th percentile) which is up a little over two pounds from four months. He measured 27 inches long (76th percentile) which was up a little over two inches. And his noggin, oh the noggin was 18" in circumference which is officially off the charts (96th percentile). He got a glowing review from his pediatrician who I cannot stand and I would expect nothing less.
• It was very satisfying to tell the pedi that he's on 100% breastmilk, and yes I'm keeping up with it just fine. My bruised nipples laughed.
• We started solids (as evidenced by my previous post) a couple of weeks ago. Rice cereal (not a fan), followed by apple sauce, followed by a week long poo strike. I finally broke down and gave him pears which apparently did the trick a day or so later. I won't go into details, but the poops, they are a'changin'. I told C it was time to have another baby because mine was already grown up.
• I want to make my own baby food, I just haven't gotten my shit together yet. Maybe this weekend. I'm also very interested in baby led weaning, but it seems that would require me to actually cook.
• He's officially rolling over (occasionally) and is sitting up for mere seconds at a time before falling over. It will come I'm told. I'm not in a hurry for him to be mobile, but sitting up for pictures would be nice.
• My boy loves his toes. See? I sing Radney Foster's song every single time.

While I was at my mom's a couple of weeks ago, I snagged some shots of me as a baby. I'm younger in these pictures than Carter is now, but it's fun to see how much we look alike. And FYI, the man in the middle picture isn't my dad- that old guy in the top one is.

Sweet Potato Baby

I think he likes them!

Oh God.

Finally, someone put this feeling into words in a way I can't.

I am overwhelmed, today – and was overwhelmed yesterday, and the day before that, and am certain that I will be similarly overwhelmed tomorrow – with this singular thought: I do not want my boy to grow up.

I don’t. I just don’t. I know that his future is bright and amazing and that the him that he will be in that bright and amazing future is a him that I will adore with every ounce of the intensity that I adore him now, and then some, but.

But.

At this precise moment in time I am so love with Baby Him, with his soft, pale curls and his baby-tooth grin and his chubby baby bum and his tiny, grabby fists that clutch and hold and cling and the fact that I can press him to me and just hold, just hold on and breathe him in and pretend that we are still two pieces of one body, that I could, if I wanted to, press him back into my chest to beat as my own heart. This him, this incarnation of the human being that he is, this small, precious, sweet-smelling clutchable form of him – this I want to keep. This I want not to lose.

I know that this is impossible; wrong, even. I know that I should rejoice in the fact that he grows, he thrives, he marches – he leaps! he runs! he tumbles! – steadfastly forward into his own future. And I do, I do rejoice in this, just as I have rejoiced in the transformation of his sister from baby into girl. But I also mourn.

This is a truth about being a parent that nothing and no-one can prepare you for: that it is a continual experience of loss, a never-ending stream of moments of goodbye. That from the moment your children come into your life you are losing them. That the person your child is today is a person you will never meet again, a person that you will, in some ways, forget, as he or she is replaced by new people, bigger people, faster people, people with more words, people with more independence, people whose primary purpose is to move continually away from you.

Carter is growing so fast. Next week, he'll be six months old. One hundred and eighty-one days of him- gone to memories. I repeatedly ask the heavens for a pause button just so I can remember this day and hold it, him, a little bit longer. I'm not ready to lose him, the baby him. I love the way he loves me, the way he needs me. It's fading though. His independence is growing and while I know the growing him is wonderful too- I already miss my baby.

Here are some of my most favorite moments from every day, lately:

• When I pick him up from his bed after he's finished stretching to greet the day. He's still in that sleepy daze and will usually relax his body onto my shoulder which I soak up before the day starts.
• The mid-nursing swap when he happily waits with his mouth wide open like my very own baby bird.
• The beaming smile at seeing me at the end of the day.
• The loving strokes of nursing a sleepy baby drifting off to dream.

I want to remember every moment. His smells, his smiles. What noises make him happy and what touches make him squeal with delight. This living, breathing, BEING that is part C and part me- it's amazing. Absolutely amazing.

We've been talking about having another. Are we capable? Will it be too much? And the question that keeps catching in my throat- How can I ever love another as much as I love Carter? How can one be capable of that much love? I guess when I know the answers, I'll know I'm ready. But until then, I am so happy and honored just to be Carter's mom.